cover: antennaed woman with a mischevious look eating an icecream cone, sitting next to a sign reading "Jair & Benni's, a Gojiro Enterprise). By Mike Capriola
OK, everybody - There's no issue next month, and the following will be the August/September Swimsuit Issue. Artists take note. For those who want more of a theme... Each year we see what the land dwellers bring to lounge on the beach in - this year let's see what the folks on the other side of the tide are wearing to prowl the tide pools and startle the bathers. Everyone is guaranteed 3 pictures but feel free to send more; I'll print all I have room for. Ye Ed. |
OVSs? Don't you mean OAVs? The confused White Cat on Ye Ed's shoulder (and no, I ain't Artemis!)
The Ditto, its pliable body recovering quickly from its electrifying experience at the hands of the Monster Ranchers, decides to morph into a new, shockproof form...
Higeoyaji views the lab rabbit's revival with mixed feelings. He still doesn't know the truth behind the bunny's seeming betrayal, but his deductions have caused him to suspect it, and he's glad enough now that the rabbit will have a second chance... and having seen the sacrifices the former Eevee has made, he no longer bears it any ill will... On the other hand, it would have been very satisfying to have cleared Elmer and exposed the real murderer; but now that there's no murder, there's not much point to it...
Losing interest in Antag, the Flareon is stunned after witnessing his sister's sacrifice. The sight left him cold, so cold that his tears no longer evaporate; they drift from his eyes like glowing embers, mingling with the spark-like tears of his brother, the Jolteon.
Unfortunately, Antag doesn't share Jolteon's reluctance to continue the battle.
Fortunately, Antag is put on hold anyway.
Unfortunately, it is because Antag is evolving...
Nearby sits the Nidorino and his mate, quiet these past several issues with nobody giving them fresh orders to attack. Though their faces are invariably fierce, they also weep for the lost Eevee and the Lunareon.
The Lab Rabbit gets up and walks (on its hind legs!) over to the motionless Lunareon. No tears fall from its expressionless eyes, but it does seem to be keeping vigil . . .
The combination of Super Potion spray, Pokémon tears and her own stubborn will to live works its magic. The Lunareon's eyelids flutter, then part. The first thing she sees is the face of the Lab Rabbit, inches from her own. Then it isn't even that far away as the two of them touch noses.
Antag suddenly feels a sharp jab from behind, and if it turns, it will behold a thinly-smiling doppelganger of itself with tiny dots in place of its regular eyes. Using the same speed the original Antag used to dodge the spit glob and the fire spin, the transformed Ditto managed to nimbly dash up and prick the pokéslug with the spike on its wrist. Are antags immune to their own poison? Guess we'll find out in a future issue....
"Souvenirs! We've got Souvenirs! Five for the price of ten! Today only. Also a delightful snack, Rat on a stick! Fresh today, and I'll even give you a special deal. One for the price of two, and I'm cuttin' me own throat."
YOU MAY BE A PINHEAD IF: Your reality check bounced.
The Growlithe sees his master in "danger" from the fountain, and bravely lunges to seize him by the collar of his Rocket uniform and drag him out. This done, he then proceeds to slurp James's face with a very warm tongue.
James yells "Growly!" and hugs the Growlithe.
Picture: Somewhere out there, you have a Redneck alter-ego... Dana Cohen in in jeans and plain t-shirt looking at scruffy duplicate whose t-shirt reads "Chew Greenteeth Smokeless Tobacco" who is carrying case of "Blitz" beer. Dana - "It's true!" By Scott Thomas
Akané watches James and the Growlithe. "That's cute, isn't it P-chan". She scritches the slightly annoyed looking piglet.
Bubbles rise from the fountain as Joe, covered in lily pads (which were on top of the fountain) removes himself from the aforementioned fountain, and then collapses at Akané's feet. Thud.
Quiddich is a form of airborne polo played on broomsticks by the young wizards of the Harry Potter series. Wonderfully frenetic fun involving two teams, and four balls. The teams whiz about the court putting one of the balls through hoops and dodging two others while one member of each team keeps an eye out for the last ball because whoever catches it is almost guaranteed to win the game for their team...
"Ricki..." hisses John. The little raccoon is trembling... and it's not just fear...
Ricki carefully unclenches her paws... and her brows... smiles a smile that doesn't reach her eyes, and says in an even tone. "I don't believe so, sir. But... is she your big sister or your little sister?"
"Ricki, we're guests here." Whispers John. "Are you up to something?"
"Why John," asks the little toon sweetly, as a pair of tiny red horns sprout from the top of her head. Whatever gave you that idea?"
Xelloss looks at the group at the party and says "You people sure are quiet. All I did was ask a question." As he proceeds to lean on his staff, which now has a Bell Sprout growing on it.
Bell Sprouts are slowly taking up more and more of the buffet table. Bell Sprout! Bell Sprout!
FICTATOR: Why not? And what do you think I should wear? Acia
YE ED: You'll have to ask the mermaid... or her writer... but I think it was the state of my finances... the Arctophile
- Sigh..Well, they can't all be that mercenary. Good luck at the party! Ye Ed -
"HOW TO SURVIVE A HORROR MOVIE"? HOW ABOUT:
Never go see what that funny noise was around the corner, in the basement, or over the hill. And never try to find out what happened to the stupe who did.
Never take the night shift.
Never try to pursue a conversation with the guy with his back turned who didn't answer you the first time.
Never chaperone the romantic leads in the last reel.
And if you do survive...
NEVER DO THE SEQUEL!
One of the things I really like about the Harry Potter books - aside from the good writing, interesting plot, great characters, fascinating mysteries, wondrous settings, etc, etc - is they've gotten so popular, when the religious right start in with their usual "IT'S GOT MAGIC IN IT! IT'S SATANIC!! *BURN IT*!!!" chant, people look at them as if they were nuts and tell them to shut up. It's good that after years of being the tail wagging the dog, the self-appointed morality guardians have run into something they can't easily suppress.
Picture: "'Ey, Capriola... get yerself a copy of 'Knights of the Dinner Table'... Yer flitterfolk.. or somethin' like 'em... got their own RPG, and K.O.D.T. is a cool comic..." Winged individual holding a copy in one hand. By Scott Thomas
RE THE ANNE SPOT WITH THE WHITE OBELISK: Ok, sounds like Washington D.C., but I have no idea why what appears to be an autogiro would be landing in the Reflecting Pool.
Shut up and eat your mid-life oatbran!
REGARDING GESPS: Let's consider the legalities of the situation. Currently there are three legal classes: Things, animals, and people. Things have no rights or (except in some cases) protections. And slaves usually are things, regardless of society. No rights, no protections. Ancient Rome, ante-bellum South, or Apache nation, you could torture a slave to death and the worst you'd suffer would be social ostracism for behaving in such a low-class way. Animals don't have rights, either. Some societies grant them protections, but mainly due to sentiment, not a belief that animals are sentient creatures with free will. What people get charged with for hurting them, after all, are crimes against nature and cruelty to animals, not rape or murder. And then there's people. People have rights and protections because people make the rules. It's that simple. People chose who are people, what rights they have, and how well those rights are enforced. All spelled out with laws. The problem being that laws don't change in anticipation of future innovations. Heck, they aren't even keeping up with the technology we've got. Imagine a rich couple who die but leave behind at a fertility clinic a viable frozen embryo consisting of one of her eggs fertilized with his sperm. Is this part of the estate, or an heir? What if their will names other heirs, would they have a say in the matter? Could the fertility clinic refuse to hand over the embryo until they get paid, or is that kidnapping? It's questions like these that make lawyers rich and judges psychotic. And when we get into the area of what rights and protections artificially created life forms like GESPs might, should, and WILL have, it just gets worse. For instance, if Fluffy the hypothetical and much abused GESP escaped from a brutal master and reach the police, even if she's sentient, sympathetic, and wronged, unless she's classified as people she may be unable to get justice. Her testimony would probably be unadmissable in court; unless the prosecutor could build a case from other evidence her master might not be convictable; and even if she was taken away from him, then what? Given to a new master? Put in a zoo? Euthanized? Only people can be free; if she's not people, she's property. This echoes 'In Our Image" from YARF!, where Tara the GESP caused legal chaos when she escaped from HER abusive master. Because the authorities couldn't figure out what to do with her. "Not people" was her plaintive reflection on her condition when, time and time again, it was brought home to her that she had no rights. But if she wasn't people, and wasn't an animal, and wasn't a thing, what was she? Unfortunately the writer stopped the story before there was a conclusion; I suspect we'll see a real life resolution to this in our lifetimes.
- Take a leaf from H. Beam Piper - if it can talk and build a fire it's intelligent? Ye Ed-
I'm just wondering how long it's going to be before we start defining chimps and gorillas as sapient - if we'd met them on another planet we'd probably already have done so Intelligence seems to be a continuum, not a breakpoint.Ye Ed
Picture: Faerie in flight. By Mike Capriola
Lord Veternarian, CEO of the city of Aint Gotpork, looked up from his mahogany desk as his senior clerks filed in. "Gentlemen. Your reports."
"Well, Milord, the border clashes with the Realm of Phlemn have escalated seriously. The Commander of the Eastern Fronteir has requested additional troops."
"Hmm. I believe the Fourth and Seventh legions are available. Send them."
The clerk made a note. "There is a report in from our agents in the Just area. There is some sort of ...person, or creature wreaking havoc. It calls itself a 'Justice Machine' and is imquiring after a fugitive called Ellie Font."
"Font?" echoed the CEO. "Is this Font a citizen of Aint Gotpork?"
:"No, milord. According to our agent, she is a Gojiro merchant."
Lord Vetenarian's face paled. The other clerks looked just as stricken. "Do you have any idea what a Gojiro trader would do to the city's balance of payments?" the chief acounting clerk asked.
"Erosion of our tax base." muttered another clerk. "Entire disruption of the flow of goods and services," said another.
"Gentlemen!" They quieted and looked to Lord Veternarian who had regained his composure. "There is an obvious solution to this problem. Order the City Watch to arrest and execute this Ellie Font person on sight."
Coming into Bloodstone's view is a odd group: "Junpei" that most dangerous of Fighters. (He really is as good a Martial Artist as his Ego tells him he is. And if he thought anyone had hurt Airi, he has been known to show moments of Super-human strength & Skill.) "Airi"; The clever Actress. (Who has been known to fake a injury to get Junpei to win. She is the brains of this group, as Junpei's died from testosterone poisoning years ago.) "Ristuko"; A schoolgirl with a passion & skill with all firearms, from guns to artillery. Cute & Deadly... "Celcia"; The High Priestess of the Elven People whose spell against a evil being, brought the human trio to her world. She was trying cast the spell to sent them back, but Junpei messed that up big time! She hates him for that. And that she wears the form of a dog. (Why? Get the videos, Fanboy!) And last, but not least, the T-74 tank fully stocked with weapons for Ristuko to use. (She loves it! Even more after it was possessed by the spirit of a kitten. *Meow* ) It is Aimed at Bloodstone... "Ok, Elf, Strip!" says Junpei - Those Who Hunt Elves
Quonset Hut!
A QUOTE FROM THOMAS EDISON'S MOTHER: "Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric light bulb, Thomas. Now turn off that light and get to bed!"
Quonset Hut!
I think I'm bran-damaged!
Lead me not into temptation (I can find the way myself).
Picture: Raiders of the Lost Xparx: Interlude
Simris Smaugsdottir vs Sleeper Minion.
"Flame Retardant? I'm Impressed"
What looks like an alarm clock with sweat drops "BING" ing off the ground. By Mike Capriola
I am very impressed by the fact that Sleeper Minions are flame retardant," Simris Smugsdottir said as she pulled the Minion's head from its body and bounced it off the nearest wall.
MJ'S RULE OF EFFECT AND CAUSE:
Just because they're out to get you doesn't mean you're not paranoid...
I just stepped on a factoid.
FOR THE RECORD: what did happen to the heroes was far less serious than it looked.
ZONE: I believe Riposte is still looking after the escaped slaves, and... er... perhaps we should join him. I believe our work is just about done here... at least, as much of it as allowed by the bargain I was forced to strike. Power Bull
THE PIRATES: We keep our word. Of course, this will not change anything when we meet again... Power Bull
As Lina lets fly with the Dragon Slave, MSM quietly and unobtrusively falls over the other side of the ship. She watches the blast go by overhead and considers climbing back up to the deck... but why bother? She has her assignment, and the captain won't be hard to find later. She takes off the cord, coils it up, tosses it over a standing timber and vanishes into the distance.
"Don't just stand there, Diminuitive Junior Partner! You'd better tell me what's going on with you and that salesperson." Naga waggled a finger in front of Lina's face. "Well? Say Something!"
Meanwhile... Ellie Font rides her gravsled through the Main Gate of Aint Gotpork. She is impressed by the size of the city. "My, what an awfully large customer base you have, my dear."
"Arrgg, my teeth for a cheat-code!" groused Jazz as he came up against the wall. "Too high for a super-jump," he added, peering at the top of the barrier.
Noticing some movement, the hare turned, and when he noticed the Quick Change Monitor, he let out a whoop of delight. He then squeezed-off a few rounds of blaster fire at the monitor, and when it burst, Jazz disappeared in a puff of smoke and was replaced by an awkward-looking rabbit with bright red fur and a small green gun.
"Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!" giggled Spaz Jackrabbit, who then ran towards the wall and took a flying leap. And when he had reached his highest point, the red hare took another leap in mid-air, aiming himself towards the top of the wall.
The drop on the other side of the wall that Spaz has just topped is, no doubt, nothing to a videogame hero; but there are more snow goons on the other side, and beyond them, a broad expanse of slightly off-colored snow. (indicating probable trap conditions) that cannot possibly be leaped across... (Yes, this being a videogame world, there must be a way across!)
Quonset Hut!
A QUOTE FROM BATMAN'S MOTHER: "It's a nice car, Bruce, but do you realize how much the insurance is going to be?"
Bell Sprout! Bell Sprout!
Picture: "Support the Million Drunk March... sponsored by the Jessamine County Inebriation Society"
Tinker Belle from Hell (who else?) with a beer in one hand. "Braap!! Chugga chugga motion like a railway train, now." By Scott Thomas
"Anyone with magical talent can absorb mana." Thianc tells the fauns. "Do as I do." She then chants her focusing incantation; drawing the magical energy from the germs should shrink them back to their normal size..."
THIANC: Those things can cause much trouble for us with the medics! Tan's nail isn't the normal one so something is in it! But what?
"It's dropped its defenses!" shouts Atropos. "Hit it hard!" The robot follows her own advice by emitting an explosive plasma burst.
ATROPOS: Are you sure she's gone? H
The Aarrggghhh? It was delicious!
"Yow-aack!!!" cried Phil the Cat as he was jolted out of his romantic revel by the Boo-Birds' attack. And when he recovered from his shock, the cat lashed-out to grab the one who bit his nose, taking care not to hit Crystal.
"Where you're concerned, there isn't enough violence in fan fiction!" said Phil to Boo Bird #4. "Why don't you leave us alone? What did we ever do to you?"
As Crystal looks at the BooBird/Pacmen about to attack her, she gets the idea they were not "Bottle-babies" from the "Tender Areas" they are aiming at...
The Puma grabs two of them as they close. That they look like evil balloons gives her a evil idea. She rubs them against her fur. *Rub, rub, rub, rub...Rub* "Hmmm, I better stop. I may get to like it..." She lifts them up to the ceiling of the Acme tent. There is a crackle of Static-electricity & they both stick to the ceiling! "Don't go away. I'll be right back..."
Making sure she still had a charge first, Crystal wets both of her little fingers & gives BooBird #4 a Double-barreled Electric Wet-Willie to get it to let go of Phil's cute nose! *ZAP* Seeing as some of the jolt passes to him as well, she says, "Sorry Honey. It's just something I picked up one summer when my Cousin, Ellie May, bet me that I wouldn't climb up to the lighting-rod on the barn during a storm. You can take it from here.." She heads back to check on the two stuck on the ceiling...
"Don't wowwy, Puddy-Tats! I will tave you!"
Outside the Acme tent, the naked pink Tweety can be seen tugging on an enormous chain leash. Said leash is attached to the neck of a gigantic blue turtle-like monster. "Otay, Bwastoise," chirps the birdy, "Use your Hydwo-Pump!"
Obligingly, a pair of doors open in the creature's shell, and two huge water-cannons aim directly at the still-smoldering Acme tent.
We never know how much we need to be loved until we are.
"A time traveler? I wouldn't be at all surprised." replies Edison Carter.
"Anyway it's not about me, but those I am Spokemodel for: the Bong." (Lolacuteass's left eyebrow twitches as she says "Bong".) "They made me what I am today." *Twitch, twitch* "I owe it all to so many Drones. I can't tell you how much I want to pay them back. *Twitch*
Edison grins wryly. "I'm sure the folks at home would like to know more about this ship. It's my first time around here. Dunno if I'd miss something if I blinked once, but twice is a definite yes. Think our viewers at home would enjoy a career with the Bong?"
Picture: Dee-Are's Points to Ponder. "Is someone who visits a brothel considered buy-sexual?" Dee Are, musing. By Scott Thomas
The Mmirefa fleet... functional, hard-science ships that look something like thermos bottles... closes with the Bong flagship.
Deep within the bowels of the Bong ship, the Head Integrator... an enormously fat masked figure with a bald head and a steel arm... and his assistant... a three-foot iron mouse... await the return of the Bong detachment sent to Megakat City.
"There was this... ally... I didn't want to know I was the bad guy." rasps the big round guy.
"Must have been about as smart as squirrel.." mutters the "mouse" in a mock-Russian accent. "But why you wear mask now? Everybody know..."
"Because my new face makes me look like an idiot!" snaps the other. "And why don't you take yours off, for that matter? I've had my fill of big-pointy-nosed assistants."
YURI: So, do we head out for the Bong flagship right away, or do we check out the party first? Just to make sure there aren't any Bong spies there, of course... Kei
Meanwhile, over the island resort of the Cheesecake Squad, the Rave Nightclub run by the minions of the Cloaked Figure & near a certain starship, Bong Attack ships hover...
Quonset Hut!
Bell Sprout! Bell Sprout! Bell Sprout!
Within the mind of the CF's writer: Suddenly, before the laboring (and half-nude!) Cheesecake Squader, a strange figure appears!
No, not a Cloaked Figure: That wacko's still ramping up for his triumphant entry into Westport Organics. THIS wacko is a STRANGE figure, with the air of an otherworldly guide. Like Beatrice ("Hi. We're Beatrice") from 'Dante's Inferno'. And probably a know-it-all pain in the butt, too. Let's see.
"Thank you, kind sentient," he began, "for your efforts to help my writer. Who frankly needs all the help he can get. I mean, just look at this plotline; who told this bum he could write? Like most authors he's schizo, though, and a writer's block in one story doesn't mean he's blocked everywhere. Over there, for instance," he said, pointing towards a different area of the mind, "we have... that."
In a D&D type setting, one can see a short female half-troll full of psychotic energy dumping pails of vinegar and huge boxes of baking soda into a barrel while a huge human stares in confusion. "What Little Bethie doing?" the behemoth questions. "Easy, Big Buddy!" the crazed gnome shouts as she claps a cover on the barrel, jumps on, and begins shaking it back and forth, "I'm getting ready for blast-off!!" The barrel bulges, vibrates, and then KA-POW! It explodes, and the little HT goes shooting up into the air shouting "WOO! WOO! WOO! TROLLS IN SPACE!!!!"
"Yes," the figure muttered, "THAT madness never stops. And there," he indicating a different section, "we have a... more serious storyline."
(A costumed female figure is seen swinging through the nighttime skyscraper canyons of a city, often dropping down to stop a crime. She is being followed by a small, glittering creature with fairy wings making frequent advice and commentary on her actions. Suddenly the female, obviously fed up, whirls and tries to slap the creature away. It easily eludes her inhumanly fast blows while critiquing her attacks and her lack of emotional control until, clenching her teeth, the woman turns away and resumes her patrol. At other places about the city more costumed figures could be seen, some fighting, some doing heroic /villainous acts, and some just living in a world where anything seems possible.)
"He reads too many old Marvel comics and 'Astro City'. And over THERE..." The figure looked, and then blushed. "Ah. That's the part where he keeps trying to do hentai and keeps failing. A-hem. Anyway. I thank you again for your efforts. It IS appreciated.
By the way, one fictional character to another, you doing anything tonight? I've got time off while he's asleep...
Football and consonants do not mix!
SCIFI.com's Seeing Ear Theater is hosting "City of Dreams". a 13 week series of half hour radio plays in a distinctly Twilight Zone like vein, written by J. Michael Straczynski.
"That's a nice story, Jonah - now tell me where you've really been for the last three days."
Tonight, shortly after the stroke of midnight, when you are safely tucked into bed and deep within the realm of the dreamlord, the Gato sisters will climb up onto the highest vantage point in your neighborhood, be it fence or garage roof or whatever, and sing "Kitty Kitty Wang Wang" off key and as loud and as long as possible
"They replaced trial by ordeal with trial by lawyer only because they found that lawyers were nastier. Terry Pratchett
Quonset Hut!
Picture: Graveyard Shift (Someone has to man the phones at all times)
Panel one - three guys in shirt and tie eating. From left
Guy with glass in hand "How come you never let Hua* go to dinner first?"
Guy with pipe, eating sandwich "I think she uses me as a food taster before commiting herself."
Guy with newspaper: "Hua told me she insists you eat first because you're 'old' and Chinese have to respect their elders.
*Changed name to "Hoa" so that Hui won't get mad at me.
Panel two - Guy with pipe in doorway speaking to woman at table with computer.
Guy with pipe: "What's this 'respect your elders' crap?"
Woman: "In your dreams."
Based on a true story (yes, I fell for it).
By Mike Capriola
THE SCORE CARD | |
---|---|
As of This Issue..... | |
In the Pokébattle | Acetylene Lamp Blaze (the Lab Rabbit) Gary & Tana Miller The Giant Elmer Fudd Hamegg Hell's Hares Higeoyaji Jo, Vicky & Micky Lisaine, Virain & H'rril Lots of Pokémon The Monster Ranchers Team Rocket |
Outside Westport Organics | Droopy Dog Mary Sue Myerbeer The Cloaked Figure The Pirates The Superheroes (Riposte, Power Bull etc.) |
Picture: character riding some sort of homebrew motorcycle/scooter. "In some areas, vehicles whose engines have less than 50cc displacement are not officially motor vehicles and can be driven on local streets and roads sans license plates. By Scott Thomas
THE ELECTRONIC INTERCEPTED is published on a monthly schedule (save for January, which is skipped, with February being double sized and available from Stormgate Aerie BBS, 1-310-822-6729, as is THE CAST LIST, which includes bios of characters in INTERCEPTED and a list of characters currently in play, updated on an issue by issue basis. INTERCEPTED is also available by mailing list - send me your eddress and I'll add you to it. There is also the HTML version (also text-only I'm afraid) available off my website at http://pw2.netcom.com/~nshapero/icindex.htm. The original INTERCEPTED (hard copy version comprised of ads, inclusions and artwork) is available from 12536 Short Ave., Los Angeles, CA 90066 for $1.75 plus postage (usually 2-3 oz worth; for a total of $2.30/$2.53 in the US, higher elsewhere.) Hard copy of THE CAST LIST is also available, for $1.00 plus postage a copy. Note - the Cast List does NOT contain any artwork - the only difference between the hard copy and downloadable version is that the former is formatted into three columns.
Ads & things can also be sent to me via the Internet at kay.shapero@salata.com.
Back issues of both The Electronic Intercepted, and Intercepted are available; write me for details.
Contributions to this thing consist of ads, artwork and inclusions, as follows:
ADS: Each member is allowed up to 90 lines of text (called "ads" for historical reasons - this thing started out in a Personals column), divided up however you please.
One Line = 55 characters or less, including spaces. (note - this reflects the width of columns in the printed version - I'm formatting the electronic version to 65 because it's single column)
Ads are $.02 per line. (Note - ad cost is included in the purchase price for the hard copy Intercepted.) Ads (or bios for The Cast List) may be mailed to me, or sent via StormGate Aerie in the message area for same.
ARTWORK: Artists may receive free or reduced cost hard copy versions. See the hard copy Intercepted for details.
INCLUSIONS: These are pretty much anything that is neither artwork or ads, and cost $3.00 per side if I have to copy them and will not show up in the electronic version unless supplied as ascii text. See the hard copy Intercepted for details.
The editor reserves the right to edit or refuse ads (but rarely does as long as they don't get too gross or ose.)
ADS NEXTISH DUE: September 1, 2000
PUBLICATION DATE NEXTISH: September 8, 2000
EDITOR: Kay Shapero
SYSOP: Nicolai Shapero
Make Life Interesting!