Cover: Vylet, Rita Roswell and Paisley Moonglow Coriolis, wearing haltertops paired with cutoffs, short skirt, and long slit skirt respectively. Vylet "We're here t' try out for the Cheesecake Squad."
"Rita: We have credentials and references."
Paisley: "An' the Cheescake Squad ain't got none of us off-Earth types."
BGM - "Hamster Dance" (club mix) or "Star Trekkin'" (Across the universse") by The Firm.
By Scott Thomas

THE ELECTRONIC INTERCEPTED

November 2000

Happy Turkey Day, All! Ye Ed

     Where, o where has my little ads gone?
     Where, o where can they be?
     With the words spelt wrong
     Ye Ed retypes
     Where, o where can they be?

A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast. --Groucho Marx

L.Sprague de Camp
1907-Nov 6, 2000
Author Extraordinare

     John's in a bind. He's sure it would be better to keep these two far apart; but it'd be churlish to turn Darby down - and there might be a way to appeal to Ricki's better instincts. "Well," he says, looking at Ricki, "I'm not sure what we can do, but if it's a question of helping you fix a mistake you made..."
     Ricki is torn between dislike and her national inclination to sympathy (which, ironically, is what turned her against dragons in the first place!) Although it's contrary to everything she knows about the breed, Darby actually seems sorry about something wrong he did... seems to want to make amends! And she doesn't want to quarrel with John again; she felt so wretched until they made up last time... She jumps into John's arms - "If you say so, John" - and turns to glare at Darby - "All right."

     "No little red horns," thinks John. "Maybe Ricki means it. Maybe she'll even learn from this that dragons aren't all bad."
     "Well," thinks Ricki, " if this guy is up to something, at least John will maybe learn what dragons can be like."

FICTATOR: You look but you don't see (with a grin). I am wearing a form fitting gown of my coloring. Oops! (as the gown changes color to blue, then red, then cream etc.) No which color would "you" like me in?

The Fictator (now in his best suit) wastes no more time talking; taking a leaf from Ralph's book, he sweeps Acia up in his arms and they are off to the party!

RALPH: Don't you just love all these people and the food! Brandy

HE WHO ASKIED: Yes, the party will last into the "Nitpicker's Millenium:" as Ye Ed happens to be a card carrying nitpicker.

YE PUZZLED ED: All I know about Garrick Utley is that Zippy the Pinhead repeated his name several times in one edition of his strip. BTW, any idea who Seth Green is? He was featured in one of those celebrity SciFi Channel station ID's. Phil the Cat

     The mist withdrew it was late afternoon and Anne was near the gates of a castle. There was a crowd of people by the gates and coming down the road a girl riding a white horse. When she got nearer Anne realized it wasn't a horse but a unicorn. The girl slipped down and ran to hug an older man at the gate. They talked, and then he gave a command that Anne couldn't make out. Many horses were lead out and released. They raced out over the grass; some galloped straight on and were lost in the forest. The other checked and swerved back, whickering as the came, till they jostled around the people at the gate.
     The man gave another command; the unicorn bent his head, lowering his horn. Then he too turned and whirled away, galloping toward the forest. "There must be a story here" Anne said, "Shall we find out?"

Halloween is our national irrational holiday!

They say that the government is covering up a crashed spaceship that came down in Roswell. But isn't it, more likely that the authors of these books, whose livelihood it is, behind this so-called cover-up? (And wouldn't that be true for all the similar so-called mysteries?)

- Whatever the government has up its sleeve besides its arm (there's always *something*), I doubt it's alien spaceships. It would be doing a lot of things it's not, and would have been doing them for decades, especially regarding the space program.... Ye Ed -

Toggle bolt!

The Lunareon is very happy -- not just to be back among the living, but to see the one she had sacrificed herself for also alive and well again. She feels so joyous that she starts glowing ... glowing ... growing ... Hey, she's evolving again!

THE FICTATOR: What doe? The LR's Writer

The glow fades. The former slug-like Antag now resembles a huge snail - a snail with arms, one wrist sporting a ring of spikes, the other hand enlarged into a crab-like pincer. It is now Talantag.

Talantag takes one look at the Wigglytuff and ducks into its shell, blocking the opening with its pincer. It knows what that means, class...

Metronome . . . metronome . . . metronome . . . ASSALT!

A pale cloud forms directly above the twice-transformed Ditto and whatever the Antag has evolved into. The cloud abruptly pours down a torrent of fine white crystals. But these are not snow crystals -- they're SALT crystals! Both the Ditto and the former Antag are thoroughly "assalted."

The Wigglytuff blinks; she's never had THAT metronome result occur before!

The charging Heffalumps disturb a nest of Marril, who proceed to run back and forth in front of the psuedo-pachyderms, squeaking shrilly. One makes so bold as to jump into the air, landing on the trunk of thereal Heffalump, where it promptly makes a Scary Face. "Marr-rrilll!"

The three charging heffalumps go thundering over the Wigglytuff. (Doink! Doink! Doink!)

The former giant gardiner takes a long gape at the revived lab rabbit... and loses it completely. "WABBITS! WABBITS! AAAAH-HAHAHAHAAAAH! WABBITS!" He stops for a moment to look at Tana. "WAPINS! WAPINS!"

Seeing that the Giant Elmer Fudd had finished shrinking down to his conventional size, Tana Miller crouched by his side and put a comforting arm across his shoulders, saying "There, there, bub. I'm sure ya didn't mean ta kill 'im. Just like ya didn't mean ta kill li'l ol' me, right?"

Whenever the Millers & company finally make it back to where they left the doe (assuming that they do), they'll find a surprise waiting...

The Blastoise welcomes the prospect of a nap, and is soon snoring away. Attached to the chain around its neck is an identification tag that reads, "If lost, please return to Imakuni's Rent-A-Pokemon."

Let's wreck the rectangle!

The mist sank down and Anne was on a hill standing in the sun. She could see at a small distance a train, but beyond that a huge complex tangle of girders. As she watched a black shape shot though the cage of girders and out the far end. The shape curved round, soaring over the train and beyond.

ATROPOS: Then you best get behind me if he returns fire at me! I'll be shedding the heat to the air, mountains and earth around me.

Tyrano roars a bone-rattling bellow and expels a barrage of fireballs at the team. H is hit with a power nearly equal to that of her own attack!

Toggle bolt!

The world is your playground. Why aren't you playing? --Ellie Katz

Clams on the half-shell -- and roller skates, roller skates!

Listen to your inner beatnik.

The mist cleared, Anne is in a city overlooking a river, on the edge of a crowd. She could see before her a bridge over the river, which is being guarded by three men. They hold an army at bay while a gang works at destroying the bridge. The gang calls out and two of the guards cross before the bridge collapses. The last man sheaths his sword and dives into the river. After a struggle he makes it across. The crowd sweeps forward shouting and clapping to bear him back into the city.

     Zone appears to be out of it, but her fur is still glowing blue, which means her field is still up, which is impossible, unless - suddenly she rolls to the side and, as her fur turns its normal black-and-white, does a backflip and gives the haunter a faceful of butyl mercaptan (skunk juice). Landing easily on her feet, she gives Haunter a "Nyaah, Nyahh!" and somersaults off, her fur glowing blue again.
     'How could she have let her guard down like that after all the training sessions?' thinks Zone as she dances away. Absurd as it seems, it's almost as if some outside force had overridden her normal competence.. - She shrugs off the notion. She was careless, period. It wouldn't happen again.

Lina was within Zone's field when it adapted, and her lick should be neutralized, too.

BLIND CYBERBEAR: I'm very sorry, but I really don't understand what's going on at all. I guess I'm not going to be much of a help. To top it off, I think I'm starting to fade . . . . O.J. Clueless

YE PUZZLED ED: If you knew the words? I might be able to spin a tune. CTSC Jr.

I'm opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position --Mark Twain

THIANC: The nail is Tan's! His Phoenix Arms are on it! There will be a code or password to say when it does open to give to the guardian so we don't get fried! Faun

Toggle bolt!

A gizmo-rococo UFO suddenly appears in the sky above Thianc and the fauns.

Don't do your laundry. Be your laundry.

The worst of it takes only an instant. Most of the Mirefa ships are either vaporized or blown into debris that bombards the ships missed by the barrage itself. The very few ships out of range - being realistic and not toony - are crushed or torn apart by the Bong ship's manhandling.

Behind the Scenes

"Well, that was a short cameo!" grumbles the feline Mirefa captain as she and the others head back to their own series. "Nice FX, though - and maybe it's just as well; the boss won't find out we've been moonlighting."

     I am in trouble.......
     I'm Security!

Toggle bolt!

YURI: Well, since no plan will work against the Bong, let's just do our usual charging in - Kei

The lights in the Bong corridor dim again, signaling another integration...

I move, therefore I groove!

"Yow-ow-ow!!" cried Spaz when he saw the ice collapsing behind him. "I gotta keep on moving!" The fuzzy green adventurer ran faster, all the while hoping that the crumbling ice field would come to an end soon.

Several orbs, a bunch of carrots (including another golden one) and a few waves of enemies later, the ice stops caving in behind Spaz. A large figure confronts him.: turtle-shell and green scaled arms, one holding a hockey stick; bovine feet and tail - and even under the goalie mask contoured to fit it, the face is obviously that of a bull. The Mock Turtle's back.

Coolness is alienation with a back beat.

Already far from the battle on the pirate ship, Mary Sue Myerbeer starts her investigation. Her researches lead her to a flattened, soggy, empty tent. She looks around, puzzled...

The naked pink birdy gazes at the soggy wreckage of the Acme tent with what seems like actual regret. "Awww, the poor puddy tats -- dey've melted all away," he says just before succumbing to Jigglypuff's song.

     Picture: Character riding a scooter. Den: Kentucky's Motor Vehicle laws are considerably less strict than California's - anything under 50 cc* isn't a "motor vehicle" - tho' you are required to be 16 and licensed **. If you don't have a driver's license, you can get a scooter/moped driver's license. Insurance isn't necessary, but is a real good idea. It's illegal (and suicidal) to get a scooter (or moped) out on the Interstate, or State roads. You're limited to city streets or county roads. I'm surprised California allows scooters or mopeds at all, with its strict emissions laws. The overwhelming majority of mopeds and scooters have 2-cycle engines, which by nature run "dirty"...
     * Theoretically, if you rebuilt a 40 cc engine and restored it to, say 52 cc it would be a "motorcycle". How do they calculate things for electric two-wheelers?
     ** Very loosely enforced - at least half the people on scooters are well under 16. The problem would be if an under-16 type got into an accident...
by Scott Thomas

I belong to no organized party. I'm a Democrat. -- Will Rogers

The Democratic Party is the party that tells you that the Government can make you richer, smarter, healthier, taller and generally solve all of your problems. The Republican Party is the party that tells you that Government doesn't work; and then they get elected and prove it. - P.J. O'Rourke

With a yowl of horror, Phil the Cat put his arms in front of his face as he was engulfed by the Boo Bird. Tumbling through the psychedelic void, the cat called out "Hey! What's with the Time Tunnel?" And when he was dumped in front of the spooky looking hotel, the feline creator sat there, dazed and blinking at the sign. But he soon came out of his spell with a wail of despair when he felt the destruction of his privacy tent. Phil then flung his arms around Crystal and began crying into her fur. "All I wanted was a little joy in my life," he sobbed, doing his best impression of TV's Frank. "Is that really so wrong?"

Toggle bolt!

Somewhere deep within the Hotel Fountain-Boo, faint, high-pitched voices can be heard singing:
     Filet of Sole! Filet of Sole!
     Come on, let's rock and roll!

Spring wing!

IN HONOR OF THE HALLOWEEN SEASON, HERE IS A LIST OF ACTUAL HORROR FILM TITLES, COURTESY THE VIDEO GRAVEYARD;

     Blood and Donuts
     Frankenstein General Hospital
     Snow White: A Tale of Terror
     Barn of the Blood Llama
     Bride of the Killer Nerd
     Blood Sucking Freaks
     Bloodsucking Pharaohs in Pittsburgh

2000 PEGASUS AWARDS
Best Food/Drink A tie: 307 Ale by Tom Smith and My Jalapeno Man by Debbie Ridpath Ohi
Best End of the World Song: Out of A Clear Blue Sky by Dr. Jane Robinson
Best Writer/Composer: Bob Kanefsky
Best Performer: Ookla the Mok
Best Filksong: Sam's Song by Zander & Soren Nyrond

My thanks to Lori Coulson for posting these to rec.music.filk. Ye Ed

Here is more of the source list for Anne.

Fiction
"Earl Mar's Daughter"*Anon, old ballad
The Days of the CometH. G. Wells
Through a Brazen MirrorDelia Sherman
The Story of Sir Launcelot and His CompanionsHoward Pyle
The Children of Shiny MountainDavid Dvorkin
The Mouse that Saved The WestLeonard Wibberly
"The Land Ironclads"H. G. Wells
Rupert of HentzauAnthony Hope
The Book of the DragontoothMichael Green
The Count of Monte CristoAlexandre Dumas
Sherlock Holmes and the Red DemonLarry Millett
"A Net to Catch the Wind"Margaret Greaves
The Once and Future KingT. H. White
"The Argonauts of the Air"H. G. Wells
"Blue Period"Daniel Marcus
TreasureClive Cussler
Douglas Adams's Starship TitanicTerry Jones
Empire of the EagleAndre Norton & Susan Shwartz
The Adventure of the Misplaced HoundPoul Anderson & Gordon R. Dickson
The Kraken WakesJohn Wyndham
True LoveRobert Fulgham
"Horatius"* Thomas Babbington, Lord Macaulay
The Problem of the Sore Bridge-Among Others"Philip Jose Farm (writing as Harry Manders)
"Dinosaur on a BicycleTim Sullivan
The War in the AirH.G. Wells
"The Sea-King's Burial" *Charles Mackay
The Most Haunted House in EnglandHarry Price

* Poem

Real
Grunion run at Cabrillo Beach
THE SCORE CARD
As of This Issue.....
In the Pokébattle Acetylene Lamp
Blaze (the Lab Rabbit)
Gary & Tana Miller
The Giant Elmer Fudd
Hamegg
Hell's Hares
Higeoyaji
Jo, Vicky & Micky
Lisaine, Virain & H'rril
Lots of Pokémon
The Monster Ranchers
Team Rocket
Outside Westport Organics Droopy Dog
Mary Sue Myerbeer
The Cloaked Figure
The Pirates
The Superheroes (Riposte, Power Bull etc.)

OK, some folks were interested so here are the rules. If you want to play tell me what character you want - everybody but Col. Mustard (and possibly Mrs. White) are available, or you may feel free to make up your own. Ye Ed

Variant Clue Rules For Intercepted

BASIC RULES

Clue is fairly straightforward: the suspects are all guests of Mr. Boddy who has been murdered. Your task is to determine whodunit, where the dirty deed took place and what weapon was used. This is done by eliminating all other possibilities. With the game comes a set of cards with the name of a room, a suspect, or a weapon on each. The three types are shuffled separately, and a card from each is drawn and stored in an envelope. These represent the murderer, murder room and murder weapon. The rest of the cards are shuffled together, and dealt out to the players. In each turn, suspects move from one room to another, and upon arrival the player may summon another suspect to the room in which his suspect is currently located, and confront him or her with a weapon. This done, the player to the immediate left of the one whose turn it is is asked if the latter can disprove this. If the second player has the card for the room, suspect, or weapon in his possession, he must reveal it (if he's got more than one of them, only one should be revealed.) If not, the next player in sequence is asked the same question. This continues until either a card has been revealed, or all players have been asked and drawn a blank. Eventually, when one player thinks he knows the answer, he may make an accusation. The envelope is checked, and if the answer is correct, the player has won the game. Otherwise, the player drops out, and the rest of the players continue until one makes a correct accusation.

While this and the following should enable anybody to play, I recommend acquiring a copy of Clue if you don't have one already. It's fun...

RULES VARIATIONS

1) As befits Intercepted, the rooms, weapons, and some of the suspects are different than from the regular game. There are 10 suspects, 10 weapons, and 12 rooms.

2) Rooms are arranged in a circle, with each room being adjacent to two other rooms. Rather than roll dice as in the usual game, in the course of a turn, each suspect may move from one room to one next to it - either one of the two adjacent rooms, or in the case of rooms with a secret passage between them, to the room at the other end of the passage.

3) Movements are simultaneous; each player will be assigned a seat number for purposes of guess resolution and suspect location. Any suspect summoned to another room in the course of a turn starts play next turn from that room and may either remain there and make a guess, or go to another room as per rule 2. If a suspect is summoned to more than one room, use the one of the player furthest to the right. (For example, if player #1's suspect is summoned to a room by player #4 and player #5, the suspect's in the latter room.)

4) Since I also want to play, and asking successive guesses would be cumbersome in extreme, resolution will also be handled simultaneously. Each player, in each round, should do as follows:

a) Take out a small piece of paper and look at the first guess in sequence that isn't yours.

b) If you can disprove it, write the room, weapon, or suspect that serves to do so on one side of this piece of paper. If you can't, write "none".

c) Fold the paper and seal it with tape or something so that it can't be read from outside. On the front write the seat number of the player who made the guess, a slash mark, and then your own seat number. (For example, if you're seat number 4 and the guess was made by the player in seat #2, you write 2/4.)

d) For each guess made last round, do the same using a separate piece of paper each time.

e) Mail me the lot (sorry, this'll have to be hard copy, not e-mail). I'll sort them into piles for each seat number, arranged in order of guesses. Then for each guess, I'll take the slip of paper from the players in sequence around the table until I find a disproval. Any extras left over will be destroyed.

For example, say we have 5 players, and the player in seat 2 has guessed Red Sonja in the Shrubbery with the chainsaw. I take a look at the paper reading 2/3 and see that player number 3 has none of these, then pick up the paper reading 2/4 and see that the player has the chainsaw. I throw away papers 2/5 and 2/1, then start in on the next guess.

5)Rooms move. Well, this *is* Intercepted. So once every four turns, all rooms are reshuffled AFTER moves and guesses are recorded. I'll be posting the gameboard each issue, so keep an eye on it...

6) Accusations are made as per the usual game, with the added point that since moves are simultaneous, it's quite possible for more than one player to make an accusation in the same turn. So there can be more than one winner. Now since it's not practical to have the player making the accusation check the reserved cards, I'll have someone uninvolved do so (probably Nicolai) and tell me whether or not the accusation is correct, but none of the particulars. If it is, the game is over. If not, the game continues minus that player.

SEQUENCE OF PLAY

1) resolution of previous guesses if any
2) movement
3) new guesses
4) movement of rooms, if any.

SUSPECTS - there are 10 suspect cards.

So far we have: Col. Mustard. The deck will be made up when all players are determined. You may play either one of the usual Clue characters or invent your own.

WEAPONS - there are 10 weapon cards

Baby Dilophosaur (Spitter), Bazooka, Chainsaw, Dynamite, Hand Grenade, Knife, Lead Pipe, Loaded Cigar, Poisoned VVV, Schmutzmaster 500 Ooblik Launcher (yes, Vicky helped me make up the list... )

ROOMS - there are 12 rooms

The Addams Garden, The Addams Mansion Parlour, The Pokémon Battle, Discworld, The Dungeon, The Ghost Room, The Pirate Ship, The Kitchen, The Library, The Rest Room, The Shrubbery, Someplace in the Winchester House

GAMEBOARD

The layout at the start of the game is as follows:

Addams GardenAddams Mansion ParlourThe Pokémon Battle
Aint GotporkThe Dungeon
The Ghost RoomThe Pirate Ship
The KitchenThe Library
The Rest RoomThe ShrubberyWinchester House

PLAYER NUMBERS AND SUSPECT STARTING PLACES

(note - npcs do not start in any particular room, but are brought onto the board only when summoned in a guess)

[To be detrmined when enough people sign on.]

And feel free to ham it up - so long as you include the necessary information of move and guess, feel free to have fun with your descriptions.


THE ELECTRONIC INTERCEPTED is published on a monthly schedule (save for January, which is skipped, with February being double sized and available from Stormgate Aerie BBS, 1-310-822-6729, as is THE CAST LIST, which includes bios of characters in INTERCEPTED and a list of characters currently in play, updated on an issue by issue basis. INTERCEPTED is also available by mailing list - send me your eddress and I'll add you to it. There is also the HTML version (also text-only I'm afraid) available off my website at http://pw2.netcom.com/~nshapero/icindex.htm. The original INTERCEPTED (hard copy version comprised of ads, inclusions and artwork) is available from 12536 Short Ave., Los Angeles, CA 90066 for $1.75 plus postage (usually 2-3 oz worth; for a total of $2.30/$2.53 in the US, higher elsewhere.) Hard copy of THE CAST LIST is also available, for $1.00 plus postage a copy. Note - the Cast List does NOT contain any artwork - the only difference between the hard copy and downloadable version is that the former is formatted into three columns.

Ads & things can also be sent to me via the Internet at kay.shapero@salata.com.

Back issues of both The Electronic Intercepted, and Intercepted are available; write me for details.

Contributions to this thing consist of ads, artwork and inclusions, as follows:

ADS: Each member is allowed up to 90 lines of text (called "ads" for historical reasons - this thing started out in a Personals column), divided up however you please.

One Line = 55 characters or less, including spaces. (note - this reflects the width of columns in the printed version - I'm formatting the electronic version to 65 because it's single column)

Ads are $.02 per line. (Note - ad cost is included in the purchase price for the hard copy Intercepted.) Ads (or bios for The Cast List) may be mailed to me, or sent via StormGate Aerie in the message area for same.

ARTWORK: Artists may receive free or reduced cost hard copy versions. See the hard copy Intercepted for details.

INCLUSIONS: These are pretty much anything that is neither artwork or ads, and cost $3.00 per side if I have to copy them and will not show up in the electronic version unless supplied as ascii text. See the hard copy Intercepted for details.

The editor reserves the right to edit or refuse ads (but rarely does as long as they don't get too gross or ose.)

ADS NEXTISH DUE: December 1, 2000
PUBLICATION DATE NEXTISH: December 8, 2000

EDITOR: Kay Shapero
SYSOP: Nicolai Shapero

Make Life Interesting!

An Ode to American Politics

By Tracy Kazaleh's Dad

The campaign hoopla and ballyhoo is over, the 2000 election is history
But the name of our new president still remains very much a mystery.

Hundreds of millions of dollars have been spent to influence the voters decision
We've been pummeled with billboard, poster and TV ads with regular precision.

We've been challenged, badgered, cajoled and kidded in three presidential debates.
We've seen the candidates make their soap box pitches in all of the 50 states.

We've been told that our vote is crucial, and to be sure that we don't "blow it".
Cause if the wrong man is elected, it would mean the end of Western Civilization as we now know it.

No sect's agenda has been neglected, no minority's concern considered too bland.
No issue has been left unexplored, although we may be unclear where the candidates stand.

We've had fliers thrust into our faces, automated phone calls blare in our ear.
We've received urgent e-mails and letters, and calls for fasting and prayer

And having processed all this propaganda though our politically ignorant minds,
We've flocked to the poles in a frenzy to register our "druthers" in these troubled times.

Our civic duty done, we now look to the media to tell us the score
Please, oh please Peter, Dan, and CNN, is it Bush or is it Gore?

One would think that in this day of efficiency and interstellar computerization
It should be a snap to count the ballots cast by all the folks throughout this nation.

But somewhere deep in the Florida swamps something has gone terribly awry
They can't seem to get their "gigas to byte" or to keep their electoral circuits dry.

Meanwhile, America holds its collective breath to learn the outcome of this political tale.
Will the Republicans move into the Oval Office or will the Democrats prevail?

All of which begs the question, Why can't our future elections be simplified,
To relieve us of the torture of being politically bombarded from every side?

Let two candidates be chosen in their respective party's primary race
Dispense with conventions and all of the rhetoric, and cut directly to the chase

Have both nominees appear on live TV along with an apolitical chimpanzee,
Who will flip a coin to be called in the air for all the world to see.

Heads we win and tails we lose, and to the victor goes the spoils
And the next four years in the White House will be decided before hot water boils.

This process would save billions of bucks and eliminate all election anxiety and fuss.
Not to mention the wear and tear on the candidates, as well as the rest of us.

Why indeed!, comes the reply, such logic should win the day.
There is just one small problem. It's simply not the American Way.