cover picture: Paisley Coriolis, Rinderciller and Rita Roswell at the beach in swimsuits.
Paisley "I get it. Goin' t' th' beach is a matin' ritual. Display a lotta skin, pick up a mate, an' reproduce. So, like, Summer is matin' season on Earth, eh?"
Rinderciller: "Sort of... But reproducin' isn't always the goal... tho' it does happen.
Rita: "I see. Do Earth folks bury their eggs in the sand? WE build nests in our houses."

THE ELECTRONIC INTERCEPTED

August/September/October 2000

Thanks to weird stuff, a convention, and the stomach flu (blech), make that August/September/October Swimsuit issue... Sorry about that!
Oh well, look at all the strange people who hit the beach last weekend.... Ye Ed

Oh Fungus - the picture on page 3 attributed to Mike Capriola was by Scott Thomas. Sorry about that, guys!

ALL: It's been ( hrrumph) a few years - anybody care for another game of Variant Clue? Colonel Mustard

- Quite a few years - the game started in 1994... Much fun, too. If people are interested let me know when you send in your ads next issue or so, and I'll reprint the rules. Ye Ed -

Ever think your kid belonged in the zoo? Well mine's coming close - Vicky just started at the North Hollywood Zoo Magnet high school, most classes of which are held in bungalows by the LA Zoo parking lot. And yes, the bio classes take full advantage of the proximity. I sure wish they'd done that when I was in High School.. Ye Ed

Garrick Utley

We never know how much we need to be loved until we aren't any more.

The glowing outline of the evolving Antag expands and develops what looks like a hump on its back, just as the Ditto jabs with its spike.. only to have it glance off something hard...

Ever a copycat, the Ditto promptly adjusts its form to match whatever the Antag evolves into...

When the Lunareon revives, the Jolteon and the Flareon both rear up and send a bolt of lightning and a shaft of flame up into the sky, where they combine and explode in a dazzling display of electric fireworks.

The Nidorino and Nidorina stomp and roar their approval.

At first, the Wigglytuff dances for joy, but when she sees the former Antag and the Ditto about to fight, she stops and scowls. She then raises her arms, points her fingers and begins to move them back and forth rhythmically. (Who know what THAT means, class...?)

LAB RABBIT, LUNAREON: So what about the doe? You know, this seems awfully familiar... the Fictator

And who's playing "Greensleeves" in the background?

The Lobster...

     The Millers were too busy watching the shrinking Fudd to witness the apparent resurrection of the Lab Rabbit.
      "Don't be too rough on him," said Tana to her mate.
     "Oh, I won't treat him any differently than anyone else who's gone hunting for my wife," replied Gary sardonically.

The Heffalump activates Substitute, and becomes three Heffalumps (the others green with purple spots and yellow-and-orange-checked) which charge en masse.

The former giant gardener, now almost a dwarf, stops shrinking.

Hamegg continues to hold the Master Ball, which he doesn't want to use unless necessary, in reserve. (And the contents are probably not what you think...)

The Haunter, who had been following the "trail" of the Lab Rabbit, is knocked clear out of that plotline by the power of the Lunareon's act! It finds itself on the Pirate Ship.

"Million-to-one chances crop up nine times out of ten." - Granny Weatherwax

The mist rolled back; it was dawn and Anne could hear gunfire. Sensibly, Anne dropped to the ground since she had no idea where it came from. As it got lighter, Anne could see that ahead of her was a battlefield. She was on a ridge behind the lines. She could see a huge rectangular fortress beside a trench; the firing seemed to be coming from that. As she watched the skirt of the fortress rose up to reveal first elephantine feet, then the wheels they hung from. The fortress crossed the trench, lowered the skirt then continued across the field. "I think it's best to be away" Anne said as she wiggled away.

SCOTT THOMAS: Best check with your DMV! From 31cc to 49.9 cc under motorized bicycle or handicap transportation. Here in Ca you must have a class 4/1 for the 31 to 49.9 cc with plates. Class 4/2 is for 50cc and up. Den

YE ED'S WHITE CAT (is that you, Gatomon?): No, I meant OVA's, Original Video Animations. Phil the (orange) Cat

I want a megameal in a megamall.

I was reading Marvin Kaye's The Incredible Umbrella the other day and found one of Anne's visitation sites (the rock and troll concert). Both it and its sequel The Amorous Umbrella are delightful. Ye Ed

REGARDING GESPS: Tara IS People!

The mist boiled away; Anne was at the top of a hill overlooking a valley. Overhead an odd thunderhead floated; as she watched, it seemed to blur, then a something came through. It hovered a moment then crashed to the ground. For the first time, Anne noticed the valley was littered with odd "vehicles" of various sizes and shapes. From each emerged a different type of creature, some doglike, others catlike and too many others to describe. A large featherless flier flew overhead, so Anne sought shelter under a tree-like plant nearby. "I don't know what's going on. But with creatures like that flier it's best to be careful."


HUGO AWARDS FOR 2000

(results courtesy of Frequency Magazine, www.frequencymagazine.com)

NOVEL: A Deepness in the Sky, Vernor Vinge
NOVELLA: The Winds of Marble Arch, Connie Willis
NOVELETTE: 10^6 to 1, James Patrick Kelly
SHORT STORY: Scherzo with Tyrannosaur, Michael Swanwick
JOHN W. CAMPBELL AWARD: Cory Doctorow
DRAMATIC PRESENTATION: Galaxy Quest
PROFESSIONAL ARTIST: Michael Whelen
PROFESSIONAL EDITOR: Gardiner Dozois
SEMIPROZINE: LOCUS, Charles N. Brown
FANZINE: File 770
FAN WRITER: Dave Langford
FAN ARTIST: Joe Mayhew
RELATED BOOK: Science Fiction of the 20th Century, Frank M. Robinson.

Darby the Dragon is a rather naive young fellow; he does not detect the ill-hidden malice in Ricki's words. "My sister Sparkle is older than me, and she's about--" (stooping a little to indicate a height of approximately one foot) "--this tall. Um...she's not supposed to be that small. It's my fault ... I made a wish I wish I hadn't made..." (hanging his head.)

RICKI AND JOHN: [Perking up a little] Say, maybe you could help me find some of the ingredients I need to make a potion that'll help Sparkle grow big again? Darby

     John Medor knows the odds against someone getting a toon to behave when she thinks she's been provoked. But he has to try; it isn't "Darby's" fault that he happens to be, to Ricki, a symbol of something toons fear more than almost anything else...
     And it could be worse; at least he isn't THE dragon...

OH, FICTATOR?: How does this dress look to you? Acia

Picture: cat head by Mike Capriola

ACIA: Well, I'd love to see you in a formal gown. But we'd better hurry; there isn't much time left... unless the party is being extended into the nitpicker's millennium... which wouldn't be a bad idea, actually... the Fictator

"Huff.. they're all ignoring me. Oh well, I might as well go play Clue." Xelos disappears

The feringhi were Portugese free-booters who operated in Southeast Asia in the 17th century. True fact from Michael "Encyclopedia" Capriola.

The mist fell away; Anne was on the beach for she could hear the gentle wash of the waves. It took a very short while for her eyes to adjust to the darkness. It was a night without stars, but she could see a beacon flashing out over the waters. The sound of people drew here attention down the beach. They were shining lights on the beach and out over the waves, reflecting the light were fish. The waves would bring the fish onto the beach as Anne could see as a batch came ashore near her. Her companion gave a whine and Anne rested her hand on his head. "It might not be safe to eat. Those people there are just watching the fish." (Real)

Re. Anne, right locale but you forgot to name the fictional source. It was part of the list which appeared in Vol 13 Iss 18.

"I can resist anything except temptation." Oscar Wilde

Garrick Utley.

The mist cleared, Anne was in a barley field and it was dawn. There wasn't a sound to be heard. Anne looked about and her eye was caught by a bit of color. It was a bird that seemed to be dead. It appeared as if it had fallen from the sky. As she watched, though it moved, then flew off. As the sun rose further it was as if the world awoke, the stirring of creatures and raising birdsong. Anne moved to the edge of the field, down the road beside the field, she could see two men one helping the other, moving off.

"I could use pants...."

     "Ohhh...love zap," grinned Phil the Cat as Crystal gave the Boo Bird an Electric Wet-Willie. He was about to turn his attention to the unzapped Boo Bird when the entertainment center beeped for attention and displayed a security-cam view of the pink Tweety and his Blas-tortise.
     "No more water!" growled Phil as he pressed a button on a conveniently-placed remote control. With that, a Pokéball was ejected from a mortar tube on the top of the Privacy Tent and landed in front of the titanic turtle. The ball opened and revealed...a Jigglypuff!
     "Jigglypuff!" she squeaked as she brought her microphone to her mouth.
     "Ji-ga-ly, ji-ga-ly puuuufff..." sang the pink Pokémon.

     Phil's question elicits more laughter from the transmigrated Boo Birds. "Get him -- he wanted to have us devoured, and now he's asking what did he ever do to us!" cackles one of the creatures that Crystal had stuck on the ceiling.
      "Aw, being devoured isn't so bad," replies another. "In fact, it's kind of fun! Here, I'll prove it..." With that, the Boo Bird opened wide its Pac-Man mouth until it was large enough to engulf Phil the Cat -- which it promptly does! One swallow and it returns to its regular size. Then it repeats the procedure for Crystal. One last raucous chorus of demented laughter, and then suddenly they all quiet and still.
     An instant later, the Acme tent and everything within it is totally destroyed by the force of the Hydro-Pump blast.

After being swallowed, Crystal and Phil find themselves tumbling through a psychedelic void, which ultimately dumps them on the front step of a dark, decrepit building. A conveniently-placed sign reads "WELCOME TO THE HOTEL FOUNTAIN-BOO." The front door is ajar.

We can reach, but we can't touch.

Thianc sighs and psychically scans the nail...

Picture: Chubby Moon. Plump version of Sailor Moon walking along sipping a soda and carrying a bag of donuts. "That's 'Rubenesque' to you, Bub." By Scott Thomas

H. When they vanish, they're out of the fight; and it's your turn now! Atropos

From H's claws comes pure white light hitting Tyrano in the chest.

Garrick Utley.

THE ULTIMATE NO-POCKETS CONUNDRUM: Okay, everything is issued, don't need money; doors just open, don't need keys; no colds, don't need hankies; and they wear their IDs. But how do Starfleet officers keep their hair combed?

Ever wonder what the Klingons did with the tribbles? They froze them for easy handling and dumped them overboard on a small planetoid, where years later they were found by a Feringhi trader. Who picked them up, and discovered the freezing had put them into suspended animation. He unfroze a few and spent the next few decades tinkering with their genetics, changing their shape, completely revamping their breeding cycle (now there's one "mother" one that produces a lot of sterile ones and the occasional new "mother" one) and things like that there. Then he reintroduced them to the universe as... Living hairpieces! Self cleaning, self combing, available in any color, adjustable to fit any head. Starfleet took to them at once. The Klingons took one look and said decadent

YOU MAY BE A PINHEAD IF: you think that Cubism comes from Cuba.

     Spaz Jackrabbit starts blasting the snowgoons as he rushes towards the discolored snow, weaving back and forth to avoid their icicle missiles. And when he was within a few yards of them, the red hare makes a double-jump over his frosty foes with a peal of giggles.
     Upon landing, Spaz pauses at the edge of the snow to ponder what to do next.
     "Oh well," he soon concludes. "might as well see what happens. Got at least one life left." He picks up his big red feet and starts to race across the mystery snow.
     The "snow" turns out to be another field of ice; Spaz will have a problem slowing down.. not that that is likely to be an option anyway, since the ice is crumbling and falling into an ever-growing sinkhole just behind him.

There is no "do" or "not do"; there is only "try and succeed", "try, but fail", or "not try". And pretentious pop philosophy notwithstanding, THERE IS A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE LAST TWO!

KAREN HABER SILVERBERG ON THE 30TH CENTURY:

"Automatic coffeemakers will be interactive, and will fix breakfast for us as well. Bathrooms will clean themselves. Cats will empty their own boxes and give you no lip about it."

A QUOTE FROM PAUL REVERE'S MOTHER: "I don't care where you think you have to go, young man. Midnight is past your curfew!"

Picture: Sailor Hell., Hirsuite Soldier. Fuzzy version of Sailor Moon. "Ain't funny. My momma had hormone problems too. I inherited it..." by Scott Thomas

The mist drained away, it was dark and Anne was in a street, but ahead of her was a floodlit square. Anne could hear screams and moved to the side of the street as people came running from the square. There came the noise of cracking timbers and falling bricks and glass. A dull curve of grey metal came sliding into the square carrying away the corner of a building. It moved into the square followed by two others. Then the top of the dome started to bulge. The off-white substance that emerged formed a ball attached by a trunk to the dome and grew in diameter until about the height of a man. It burst into a bloom of numerous white ropes spraying in all directions.

Picture: The Name Faerie. Cheerful looking Faerie says:
"What Cheer , Iowa
Truth or Consequences, New Mexico
Hell, Michigan
Intercourse, Pennsylvania
Codville, Ohio
Venus, Florida
Liberal, Kansas
Coffee Springs, Alabama
Slaughter Beach, Delaware
Hot Coffee, Mississippi
Avalanche, Wisconsin"

Actual town names from the 2000 Rand-McNally Motor Carriers' Atlas. By Scott Thomas

The ropes started to contract pulling along the people who'd come into contact with them. They ropes contracted into a ball hopelessly entangling its victims. It then rolled away down the path the domes had come. Anne luckily was too far down the street to get caught. As there were more spheres growing and bursting, Anne pulled her cloak closer about her and jogged away. As they fled the area she heard a set of loud explosions going off.

A section of the gizmo-rococo hull of the Bong ship slides open, and a pair of huge cylindrical columns emerge and extend in the direction of the 9as yet not in visual range) Mirefa fleet. Thought only a detail against the enormity of the ship itself, they are over half a mile long.

     "This can't be right." Says the Mirefa admiral's lupine aide. "That ship scans as almost as big as our whole formation!
     "
     Wordlessly, the avian admiral sends the red alert signal to the entire fleet.

"Full battle alert, captain." The mouse first officer says to her feline superior as the Mirefa ship's computers... along with those of the rest of the fleet... prepare to launch missiles.

Garrick Utley.

With a massive burst of energy, the twin towers hurl a gazillion cannonballs toward the Mirefa fleet at a respectable percentage of lightspeed.

     The only defense unshielded, non-maneuverable realphysics spacecraft have against such an attack is not being in the line of fire. It is why they are so widely dispersed.
     It isn't enough...

Consciousness is vastly over-rated.

KEI: Shall we develop a careful, well thought out plan of action, or just charge ahead and hope for the best? Yuri

A bowl of petunias and a very puzzled looking sperm whale?

A QUOTE FROM GOLDILOCKS' MOTHER: "I've got a bill here for a busted chair from the Bear family. You know anything about this, Goldie?"

A radio with a frayed cord is intelligent?

REPLAY

     The image of the unfortunate bunny once again makes her desperate run for freedom.. in slow motion. Then the deep-indigo silhouette materializes in front of her. Slowed down like this, it is obviously trying to pull her aside, as she too is shrouded in shadow...
     Then the deadly shot strikes, and both are gone.

"Yes" sighs Power Bull. "It was Blue Shadow. He was trying to save her..."

Picture: Bloodstone the elf with a sword and a "don't mess with me" look.
     By Mike Capriola

As Lina's Dragon Slave magic interacts with Zone's Protective Power, strange things happen. (Wouldn't you just know that they would...) Those close to Zone are completely protected & unaffected, Luckily, noone was outside her field's range or they would have gotten fried! But those in the area where the two forces mixed....

The Captain stares at the burning hold of his ship. He barely notices that MSM had jumped ship. He sees the forms on the floor... 5 rainbow-colored "Cocoons", each where a crewmember had stood. His large daughter, Gennie, was pounding on one! "Daddy! Flo's in there!" Gennie hadn't made even the smallest dent on the surface of the cocoon! The Captain turned to face Lina...

"WHAT THE @#$%^&**%%$ DID YOU DO!?! The Pirate Captain calls out orders to some of his crew to get the fires put out. The rest he motions to follow him as he advances on Lina, not caring a bit about the heroes...

Then the Haunter appears to them all....

"Haunt, Haunt, Haunt..." The ghost Pokémon makes Faces at Lina, the Heroes, the Tigeress & the Pirates!

"Now you call up Spirits to pester us!!" The Captain roars! "What game are you playing, Child!!" The steam rising from the cat-captain's body is more from his ears right now!!!!

Lina Inverse hits the Haunter. "Stupid thing, go away!" She looks at the cocoons, completely ignoring the Captain. "What the hell are those?" She pokes one of the cocoons.

The Haunter floats over to the cocoon with Flo inside. It sticks a "hand" into the cocoon like it was nothing. It searches around inside, then pulls something out...

A pure white form with a rainbow "cord" attached to the cocoon opens it's eyes. "DdAaADdDYyYy, IiI DdOoONn''Tt FfEeELlL SsOoOo GgOoOoDdD." it says in a hollow version of Flo's voice.

The form starts to look like a pure-white version of Flo & floats at the end of the cord attached to the rainbow cocoon. The Haunter picks up the cocoon like it weighs nothing! It heads toward Zone...

The Haunter is not stopped by Zone's field. It goes up to her & gives her a Big Lick/Kiss, with the standard effect...

The Haunter tosses the form of Zone onto the cocoon. It turns toward Lina, the form of Flo trailing behind like a balloon. "WHAT is going on here?" Flo asks.

The Haunter, & all it carries, Blinks out!

The Captain & crew, still thinking Lina is controlling the ghost, turn toward her.

The Haunter Blinks in behind Lina & taps her on the shoulder...

It gives Lina a Big Lick/Kiss too!

The Haunter tosses the form of Lina onto the cocoon. It turns toward Powerbull & the Captain. It sticks out it's tongue & pull down a lower eyelid to show white. "Haun-ter." It then takes off with it cargo, heading up & out, onto the upper decks!

Am I interactive yet?

Lina comes back out of the stun, yells "Hentai!" and starts throwing freeze arrows at the Haunter, as it floats all over the deck!

"Well? Don't just stand there. you Bilge Rats! After IT!" the Captain bellows! (BGM for the Great Chase: "Catch me if you can" by Angela Via & "Vacation" by Vitamin C ,both from the First Pokémon movie...)

Meanwhile, in the monitor room, the blind cyberbear had tied up the two crewmembers to chairs & had started to deal out a deck of cards, hoping O.J. Jingo will help. (And the their Writers will find something for them to do.) The monitors show the chase of the Haunter across the whole ship.

The Haunter is about to leave the ship. It looks around. No sign of those chasing it! Then it sees them, but at the other end of the ship. The Haunter whistles! "Haun-ter!" It waves & heads off the ship!

Flo gets tired of being a balloon, once she finds she passes through anything she thought she was going to hit. She pulls herself down to the cocoon & tries to get the attention of Lina & Zone. She senses that something these two did got her into this mess & they better be able to get her out!

The Haunter stops and puts the cocoon down & waits. It had stopped on the Blacken ground where the Captain had Blasted a Bunny-girl many issues ago. Flo gets a feeling that they are not alone within the Dark Circle...

Are we there yet?

The half-naked Cheesecake squader is startled a bit by the appearance of the stranger. But she looks him over & does not cover up. "Korean - Barbecue." She says as she gets up from working in his writer's head. "I hear there is a great place near the Hentai Zone. If they do Take-out, maybe we can have a little picnic right here." She moves very close to the Stranger, the sweat on her body glistening. "Sounds like a great way to spend a evening, don't you think?..."

"What is that thing?" A guard at the Cheesecake Squad island spots the Attack ship & sounds a General Alarm!

Some of Minions of the C.F. at the Rave club see the Bong ship above them and race to a steel door. On the door is written: "To be used only if under attack by a Really Big Spaceship or if that #$#%^ White Toon Dog comes back!" Inside they find the Master's Master Weapon ---- Some assembly required. They get Started!

Crystal checks on the two on the ceiling. "Hang in there. I'll be right back.." and heads for the tent's library. She pulls a book off the shelf. "The Campbett Big Book of Plot Synopses".. "Let's see here...Boo Birds, Boo birds..."

He jumped for Joy, but She Dodged......

One of the Bong Attack ships closes with the Mirefa fleet. A large panel opens toward them. Two Giant Robo arms extend out. They end in white-gloved hands. They look to be moving at if to twist the tops off the Thermos bottle-shaped ships and do Lunch on their fuel.

Posters are printed to let everyone in Aint Gotpork know the new Order from Lord Veternarain. But because they used the low-bidder on the contract, the posters read as follows:

ATTENTION CITIZENS OF AINT GOTPORK!!

The Being known as "Ellie Font" has come to Our Fair City. By Order of Lord Veternarain, she is to be Accosted and Kissed as soon as possible!

Anyone helping in her accost and kissing will be rewarded with a 6 - month release from all city taxes. (Photo proof & a report by the City Watch is required with all claims.) It is hoped that the Citizens of Aint Gotpork will do their best to this done and that Ellie Font gets what she deserves as soon as possible!

(Hmmm, you think it's the same printer who messed up the last poster about Ellie?)

Actually, when the Drunk presses the buttons on the Justice Machine's remote control nothing happens. If he'd bothered to locate and examine the warranty label under a microscope he would discover that (a) the remote was manufactured by a Gojiro firm, and (b) the expiration date reads "Yesterday."

Before Ellie Font gets more that a foot inside the gate of Aint Gotpork, she is swept up in a group of party - goers for OPERAFEST! (Two Days of nothing but Operatic Drinking Songs and the best and Worst Drinks the city of Aint Gotpork has to offer. (Sing Good - One Good drink. Sing Bad - Two Bad Drinks) It is also how the business sector renews their connections.....) Ellie is carried off as they start in on the drinking song from Romberg: The Student Prince. "Drink, drink, drink"

Looks to be a fun time for Ellie in this town.... ;) Hope she can handle the Strauss.......

"Smelly! How the Heck are you?" Old Jim, the Pawnbroker greets the Drunk as he enters the shop. The shop is strangely untouched by the damage that had hit the rest of Jsut. (It's a toss-up of whether the Class 50 Security system by Madame Sonra Industries inc. or the autographed picture of Lord Vetenarian on one wall (Payment for a item the Lord saw in Jim's shop & had to have.) that is the reason it's still standing...

     The Drunk and Jim haggle a bit over a price for the Damaged Control box, Jim got it down from a case of wine to 2 bottles of the local rutgut, 1 bottle of "Old Panther" & a 6-pack to be claimed later if he brings the empties back for the deposit....
     After Smelly leaves, Old Jim flips the Closed sign over & locks the door. As he closes the blinds, there is a pounding at the door. Through the "Spyview", he sees Smelly waving 3 empties. "He couldn't have drank all that already." Jim thinks as he unlocks the front door.
      *************BBBUUURRRPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*************

After the air clears & he countermands the security system from reacting to a gas attack, he thinks "Maybe he can at that..." as he collects the bottles & hands over the 6-pack to Smelly...

Getting Smelly out & locking up again, Old Jim returns to looking ever the box. He swears softly when he read the scan of the warranty & Manufacture label, but he smiles at a chip he finds. Hitting a key in a odd way, the box plays "Stacy Brown Got Two" by Shel Silverstern

"Got to love those Geek Freaks and their 'Easter eggs." Old Jim thinks as he checks his parts catalog. He may get that box working again, if the replacement market that fixes Gojiro products has all the parts still.... (There is a rumor that that was how Madame Sonra Industries inc. got started in the first place...)

Picture: Bloodstone the elf sitting patiently in a tree. By Mike Capriola

Bloodstone leaps up and grabs onto a tree branch which she uses to swing herself up into the foliage. She clutches a startled squirrel, bites its head off, and calmly munches on the warm flesh and bone while waiting for the large and heavy something to roll past.

When it doesn't...

"Okay, elf. Strip!"

Bloodstone shrugs. Then, in the blink of an eye, she rushes forward and tears the clothes off Junpei, Airi and Ristuko. The red-headed terror rolls the clothes into a ball and stuffs them down the barrel of the tank's cannon. Bloodstone next picks up Celcia, says "Don't worry, High Priestess of the Elven People; I'll save you from these humans!" and runs off into the forest with Celcia in her arms.

     "You know," Airi says as Ristuko pulls the clothes out from the barrel of the T-74 tank. "all the elves we have stripped, & she is the first one to do it to us."
     "That little B*tch! I think she copped a Feel!", Jenpei, who is angered at the elf's act. (Also. this is the closest he has gotten to Gettin' Any in a long time so he is mad at himself for liking it, a little..)
     "But what about Celcia?" Ristuko calls out from the left side of the tank where she & Airi are redressing.
     "What about her?" says Jenpei, calmly putting his pants back on. (He's on the right side of the tank.)
     "She just got Kidnapped!" "Don't you mean Dog-napped."
     "Oh Jenpei..." Airi shakes her head sadly.
     Jenpei stares in the direction Bloodstone had gone. "Oh, she is the High & Mighty Priestess. She should..." A loud Explosion is heard from the forest in that way. "...Be able to handle herself against one elf." he finishes with a small smile... Then he starts crying. He just remembers that Airi and Ristuko had been naked & he hadn't thought to look! The trio head off toward the forest to find Bloodstone and Celcia.
     The Thief heard a soft Cliché as the chest opens...

A QUOTE FROM MICHELANGELO'S MOTHER: "Mike, can't you paint on walls like other children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling?"

     A Great Golden Statue of the C.F. stands in the entry hall of the Rave Club. On it's base are craved these words in Latin by Juvenal:
     "PRAETEREA SANCTUM NIHIL EST NEQUE AB INGUINE TUTUM, NON MATRONA LARIS, NON FILLA VIRGO, NEQUE IPSE SPONSUS LEVIS ADHUC, NO FILIUS ANTE PUDICUS, HORUM SI NIHIL EST, AVIAM RESUPINAT AMICI."
     (On the backside of the statue, a "translation" has been written in chalk. )
      "Nothing is Sacred, nothing is safe from his private parts; not the Lady of the house, nor the Virgin daughter; not the cute Son-in-law to-be, and not the innocent Son and Heir; If none of these is available, he will fling his friends's Grandmother on her back."
     Under it is written:
     "Remember Everyone: if HE asks, it says 'Nothing can compare to His Glory & Wisdom. His Power to make His Enemies Cry for Mercy, His Skill in the Art of War; For He is the One Most Worthy to Rule All."

Lolacuteass receives a "Upgrade" through the Bong-link. The twitch stops & she smiles at Edison. "Why, yes, a career with the Bong can be enjoyable. A lifetime guarantee on Full Employment. Birthing Station to the Recycling station, WE Care. Free implant replacements & Upgrades. No Down-time with Bong-link. No Fees & no Bander Ads. You wouldn't believe what I am virtually doing with every other Bong in the Bong-link at this moment." Edison may or may not notice a tear starting to form in her left eye...

The aaarrgggghh ate my homework. Bit the mailman, too. Honest.

I waste the Aaarrgggghhh with my crossbow!

Who.. or which.. or what is Garrick Utley? Ye Puzzled Ed


THE SCORE CARD
As of This Issue.....
In the Pokébattle Acetylene Lamp
Blaze (the Lab Rabbit)
Gary & Tana Miller
The Giant Elmer Fudd
Hamegg
Hell's Hares
Higeoyaji
Jo, Vicky & Micky
Lisaine, Virain & H'rril
Lots of Pokémon
The Monster Ranchers
Team Rocket
Outside Westport Organics Droopy Dog
Mary Sue Myerbeer
The Cloaked Figure
The Pirates
The Superheroes (Riposte, Power Bull etc.)

Picture: Camilla and Wendel at the beach (idea by "Zugley") Both are in swim gear. Wendell "This looks like a nice spot... let's stop here." Camilla: "I shouldn't o' worn this outfit. I'm just too old, an' look older'n I am. That chili dog I et is tearin' my guts up an' I'm startin' t' sound like my mom..." By Scott Thomas

Picture: Dana McMillan & friends at the beach. Dana "I'm proud of you, lifemate. WE've been on th' beach all day, an' you haven't belched, farted, scratched yourself, picked your nose, pulled your swimtrunks out of your buttcrack, or any other rude act. See? You can be civilized if you want to..." It's just as well she apparently does not hear certain OTHER parts of this party who are behind her - Tinker Belle from Hell is standing in a hole saying "I seen that guy bury a 12 pack here. Bet I can dig it up before it gets back. While Paisley (I think) is saying "Like, y'know what's great 'bout th' beach? If ya gotta pee, all ya gotta do is go out in th' water an' cut loose." By Scott Thomas

Picture: Second From The Sun. A pair of gilled folks with tridents are spearfishing in shallow water. By Scott Thomas

Picture: Babysitting "I got talked inta babysittin' my little sister t'night. That sux. Sittin' in with my grubby little rugrat sister onna Saturday night... Sux!"
Paisley Monglow Coriolis,
Age 31 Height 4' 10"
Weight 112 lbs, Gender female
Hair: Magenta
Skin: Lime Green Eyes Red
Species: Martian
Occupation: Data entry in Coprate's Wal-Mart (They're Everywhere)
By Scott Thomas

Picture: Babysitting "Like, My Mom-n-Dad's goin' somewhere fer th' weekend, an' my big sister Paisley's comin' over t' babysit me. She always goes inta th' bathroom an' stinks it up right b'fore I take a bath. She does it on purpose."
Fredericka Coriolis
Age 9
Height: 2'8" Weight: 30 lbs
Gender: Female
Hair: Magenta
Skin: Lime Green Eyes: Red
Species: Martian
Occupation: Fourth grader, little sister and basic rug rat.
Skills: Knows words and melody of "Cartman's Mom is a Bitch" by heart.
By Scott Thomas

Picture: Two guys, the taller one with wings and antennae, walking home. The taller one says "Coach Potgut's gonna be ticked. You just racked up th' footbal captain. Ol' Billy will be icin' down his nuts this weekend. I think teeth can be put back in. We'll hear about it, Monday. Hey, th' 99 cent theatre's showin' two-fers tomorrow... "Silent Running" and "Dark Star". Ya wanna check it out? I got 'nought money t'get us in if you ain't got any money..."
     The shorter one says "I got tired o' him. He's been pickin' on me ferever... I hope I racked his balls up good. I taught 'im a important lesson. I jacked his jaw just t' emphasize th' point... an' that was "Leave me alone.".


THE ELECTRONIC INTERCEPTED is published on a monthly schedule (save for January, which is skipped, with February being double sized and available from Stormgate Aerie BBS, 1-310-822-6729, as is THE CAST LIST, which includes bios of characters in INTERCEPTED and a list of characters currently in play, updated on an issue by issue basis. INTERCEPTED is also available by mailing list - send me your eddress and I'll add you to it. There is also the HTML version (also text-only I'm afraid) available off my website at http://pw2.netcom.com/~nshapero/icindex.htm. The original INTERCEPTED (hard copy version comprised of ads, inclusions and artwork) is available from 12536 Short Ave., Los Angeles, CA 90066 for $1.75 plus postage (usually 2-3 oz worth; for a total of $2.30/$2.53 in the US, higher elsewhere.) Hard copy of THE CAST LIST is also available, for $1.00 plus postage a copy. Note - the Cast List does NOT contain any artwork - the only difference between the hard copy and downloadable version is that the former is formatted into three columns.

Ads & things can also be sent to me via the Internet at kay.shapero@salata.com.

Back issues of both The Electronic Intercepted, and Intercepted are available; write me for details.

Contributions to this thing consist of ads, artwork and inclusions, as follows:

ADS: Each member is allowed up to 90 lines of text (called "ads" for historical reasons - this thing started out in a Personals column), divided up however you please.

One Line = 55 characters or less, including spaces. (note - this reflects the width of columns in the printed version - I'm formatting the electronic version to 65 because it's single column)

Ads are $.02 per line. (Note - ad cost is included in the purchase price for the hard copy Intercepted.) Ads (or bios for The Cast List) may be mailed to me, or sent via StormGate Aerie in the message area for same.

ARTWORK: Artists may receive free or reduced cost hard copy versions. See the hard copy Intercepted for details.

INCLUSIONS: These are pretty much anything that is neither artwork or ads, and cost $3.00 per side if I have to copy them and will not show up in the electronic version unless supplied as ascii text. See the hard copy Intercepted for details.

The editor reserves the right to edit or refuse ads (but rarely does as long as they don't get too gross or ose.)

ADS NEXTISH DUE: November 1, 2000
PUBLICATION DATE NEXTISH: November 8, 2000

EDITOR: Kay Shapero
SYSOP: Nicolai Shapero

Make Life Interesting!