Cover: Nervous looking large nosed individual with "Wizzzard" on his pointy hat, surrounded by fog, menacing eyes and teetn and stuff like that there. In the foreground stands a woman, pointing to him. "Paranoia: suspicion, mistrust, obsession, terror. See Rincewind." By Vicky Shapero
Artists - start thinking about the Aug/Sept Swimsuit ish... ish after next Ye Ed |
DUH DEPARTMENT - FROM THOG'S MASTER CLASS, ANSIBLE 154:
`They were both roughly the same age, in their very early fifties, though a hundred years earlier they would have appeared much younger.' (D.F.Jones, Colossus, 1966) [BA]
Ansible which contains a lot of announcements and other fun stuff is available from DAVE LANGFORD, 94 London Road, Reading, Berkshire, RG1 5AU, UK. Fax 0705 080 1534. ISSN 0265-9816. for the usual (SASE, whatever) while you can subscribe by email by sending a message to Majordomo@imi.gla.ac.uk with sole content being "subscribe ansible". If you want to get rid of it again read the stuff at the end of the zine. Don't worry, it's just text and won't clog up your mailbox. (You can also read them from Stormgate Aerie - I post my copies to the "fanzine" section.) Highly recommended by Ye Ed.
Speaking of which, here's the list of Nebula award winners this year as cribbed from Ansible 155.
NOVEL Octavia E.Butler, Parable of the Talents
NOVELLA Ted Chiang, "Story of Your Life"
NOVELETTE Mary A.Turzillo, "Mars Is No Place for Children"
SHORT Leslie What, "The Cost of Doing Business"
SCRIPT The Sixth Sense, M.Night Shyamalan
AUTHOR EMERITUS Daniel Keyes
GRAND MASTER (as previously announced) Brian Aldiss.
And while I'm familiar with the works of the last two authors, I've not read any of the stories (or seen the movie, for that matter). Off to the library...
A certain character reads the Alias List, sees that her archfoe is no longer on it, and does a jig.
Fame is a growth industry.
The mist swept back and Anne was near a large forest clearing on a hillside. The remains of several buildings stood with some still afire. Near the center by a cave was a group of battered women and children. A large stag sprang out of the cave followed by an unnaturally large boar. Both animals were in bad shape, strips of flesh, holes and blood all over. The boar seemed to steam and shrink in the light of day. Then the boar started to attack the stag, the women yelled catching its attention. The stag leaped and hit the boar full on the side. The points of the antlers went through the boar into the ground. When the boar stopped struggling, its body shrank and collapsed into a pile of bones. The stag raised its head, tossed it, looked over at the women then left.
"Available only on cable."
"Available only on line."
"Extra footage only on DVD."
If cutting-edge technology is so great, why try to force us to use it? N.L.
Let's hear it for the "Post"! More suggestions:
Compredator - Pool shark
Polempics - Oratorical competition for radio talk show hosts.
Posthumorus - The witty retort you thought of just a little too late to use.
YE ED: Shoes, hmm, maybe the elves can help. Perhaps we best send the whipped cream up on paper plates instead of canned. - As the Kindly Spirit speaks the sound of construction can be heard.
Vote for me. I'm not real, but neither are you!
In the immortal words of Ash Ketchum, "Well, if those are the rules..."
A very spirited debate starts at the Rave-club run by the minions of the Cloaked Figure. (It has to do with "The top 50 things I'd do if I ever become an Evil Overlord" by Peter Anspach. The Minions & Partygoers are debating how many the Cloaked Figure ever followed. (Full list is at WWW.eviloverload.com or get a copy of "The Mammoth Book of Comic Fantasy II", Edited by Mike Ashley)
A cloaked figure (no, not that one) materializes out of nowhere directly behind the group and, dripping cheerful sarcasm asks, "Now why would anyone want to become an Evil Overlord?" (Note: he's carrying a large staff with a red ball at one end. Kudos to all you out there who know who he is and watch Slayers :))
Picture: Dana McMillan Speaks! "What's 'Quiddich'? Sounds like stuff t' get rid of jock rot..." By Scott Thomas
As John thanks Ye Ed, Ricki quickly glances around to see who the other guests are.
As Lum thanks Ye Ed, Ataru, who hasn't given up all his vices, heads for the food.
About to join the party, Ralph takes Brandy Lee's hand and holds her close with his other arm. "I'm not afraid to have them all know. Shall we?"
ACIA:Please, let's go to the party? It'll be a break from gloom and doom... The Fictator
Someone else arrives at the Millennial Party. A small young winged dragon (no, not that small young winged dragon; this one's green and walks on his hind legs when he's not flying) enters the Party Barge and flies over to the first couple of people he sees, who happen to be - you guessed it - John Medor and Ricki Raccoon. His voice is like a 10 year old boy's:
JOHN AND (ESPECIALLY) RICKI: Greetings. I'm Darby, Prince of Dragondale. I was supposed to meet my sister here at this party. Have you seen her?
Bell Sprout! Bell Sprout!
The Arctophile has gotten his invitation to the party. What does he have to lose? He thinks, whistling "Alone again, naturally."...
- What happened to the mermaid? She's invited too. In fact everybody's invited! Ye Ed -
A butler walks toward a lonely gazebo. A figure sits at a table setup for a quiet tea party. Clearing his throat, the butler speaks to the figure. "Sir, Will the young Lady be joining us soon?" The Figure sighs. "No, James. You may clear the table. Oh, have a travel pack made up from the better items. And have my traveling clothes laid out. As the saying goes.. "If the mountain will not come to Mohammed...'"
A strange rumbling sound hits the ears of Bloodstone. The ground shakes as something large and heavy gets closer and closer....
As the ice cracks off and the captain begins to rise, MSM turns off the blowtorch and gives him a hand.
"Dragon slave...." BOOM!
Lina claws her way out of the piles of junk (now crispy fried), pulls the peppered sausages off from around her neck, throws them at what used to be the floor and yells at the top of her lungs. "That's what you get for throwing junk at me! And I still say you're wimps! Sheesh, couldn't even take a little Dragon Slave." She says, looking at the charred forms in front of her.
POWER BULL: Professor, what's going on? And where are a - where are Riposte and Blue Shadow?... Zone, who is not too distracted to keep her field up.
FOR THE RECORD: what almost happened to the heroes was far more serious than it looked.
There's nowhere to hide when needs collide!!
Picture: "Y'know what's weird? Opening a RPG Manual and seeing family. I'm not kiddn'... The Sluach* in "Changeling, the Dreaming" look and act like a list o' my family. Weird, but true." By Scott Thomas
*Slo-ah
Everyone lies, but it doesn't mater because no one listens - Thoughts
The mist cleared, the sun was setting and before Anne was a slope. Topping the slope were twin towers of rock that were linked by a massive arch. She could tell that once long ago the arch had been worked for the remains of sculpture were still visible. Under the arch's shadow she could see a group of people. A shaft of sunlight came under the arch and lit up a staff topped by a symbol that shone. The two people led the way out of the shadow further up the slope.
JMS FANS!
If you've got internet access and your reader can handle Java without barfing all over the landscape get thee to http://www.bookface.com and search on Straczynski. He's posted two unproduced Crusade scripts; the one meant to crank up the story arc and the first season finale (the one with those nasty words "to be continued.." at the end) and they're entertaining. Of course you wind up more annoyed with TNT Atlanta than ever.. but them's the breaks. He's got some other works of fiction up there as well though I've not read most of them yet. ("Cold Type" is a "Twilight Zoneish" short where the end is kinda telegraphed.. otoh it ends at something that would make a heck of an interesting beginning.)Beware of the aaarrgggghhh...
The A.I. waves back at Ellie & continues on the parallel road for a few klicks... Then a odd look crosses the A.I.'s face... The grav-sled pulls to a sudden stop! The "Protect-Server" changes the A.I.'s hologram for a moment. (His ears grew very long and furry, while his face stretched out to form a round muzzle.) "Hee-haw, Hee-haw!!" His hologram returns to normal & the A.I. guns & spins the grav-sled onto the same road as Ellie, racing to catchup.....
The Drunk who had patted the Justice Machine's bottom before #7223 leveled most of Jsut, climbed out from under the rubble. "Hic! What a Party!" He finds he has something other than a bottle in his left hand. He squints at writing on it. "Remote Control Unit for Justice Machine." Two dials on it are labeled: "Uniform" & "Personality" (Looks like it had more controls at one time, but those are broken.) The Drunk gives the dials some random turns. He almost drops it when a voice from it says, "New Instruction Set Entered. Push Green Button to send to unit." The Drunk sees the green button & presses it. "Thank You.", the box says.
As nothing else happens as far as the Drunk could see, he puts it in his back pocket & slowly makes his way through the rubble. "Old Jim at Pawn shop likes this kind of crap. Could get enough for a new bottle or two from him..."
YOU MAY BE A PINHEAD IF: You attend a prayer breakfast and pray for a power lunch.
Picture: Wide-eyed antennaed individual. "Sometimes, the funniest stories are gross-out tales."
Azala scintillates and splinters into shards of light which themselves vanish. Tyrano, on the other hand, just winces.
"Save your strength until his forcefield goes down!" Atropos calls to H. "It won't take too long now that Azala's beaten!"
SCRATCH: Hey, that's all we get? Two lousy walk-ons? Grounder
The mist spun away, Anne was on a street of a port city. There was a crowd gathering calling "The Pharaoh! The Pharaoh!". People were pointing out into the bay. The calls attracted more people who rushed to see what was going on. The crowd cheered as the ship prepared to drop anchor.
Sorry just can't remember the proper name for it, but Skylab, Mir and I.S.S. aren't it. They are not colonies. Perhaps I should have said orbiting space colony? Orbiting Earth that is, an O'Neill is at the Trojan point (as I recall) so are in solar orbit.
- I think colony is probably the word. All the stuff we were *supposed* to have before landing on the Moon. Sigh.... Ye Ed -
Picture: The Illusive Appalachian Sprite in t-shirt, jeans, and bill-cap, holding a small device, and speaking to the Extremely rare Eastern Kentucky dragon (similarly clad with a WWF t-shirt). "Hot Doody Damn! I got me a re-built carburetor for my Ay-Tee-Vee..." By Scott Thomas
LOLACUTEASS AND EDISON CARTER: Forgive me. The Queen requires my presence immediately... John Fluke
EDISON CARTER: "You're Sweet, Hawkeye.." The Bongbunny shakes her head. "Sorry, was Multi-tasking while waiting for your Question." (Lots of Web-pages for Lola) She accepts the extended microphone. She looks at E.C. "Did you have a relative who was a time traveler?"
Ancients, long gone leaving mysteries.
Bards, keepers of history.
Cat, companion and ally.
Dragon, either man or monster.
Eagle, eyes of the team.
Falcon, bonded by choice.
Gryphon, guardian of the gate.
Horse, win worlds anew.
Iftcan, at one with the forest.
Jungle, danger or refuge?
Kinkajou, more than he seems.
Loden, legend and legacy.
Meerkats, clawed sabotagers.
Notus, nulls the Folk's power.
Owhee, winged hunter in the night.
Pard, lone hunter.
Queen, ruled not ruler.
Renthan, horned allies.
Salariki, perfume tracers.
Thas, diggers in darkness.
Unicorn, glowing in the forest.
Vrang, from the high clouds.
Witch, chose left or right.
X-tee, friend or foe?
Yoris, fierce predator.
Zacathan, seekers after myth.
My hero, Dave the cow-slayer. Sara, KODT
YOU MAY BE AN OTAKU IF: While watching the episodes of Pokémon which introduced Squirtle and Primeape, you know that the "donuts" eaten by Ash & co. are really rice crackers.
Make that "Jelly Filled Rice Cakes". The White Cat on Ye Ed's Shoulder
As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell. (from "How To Survive A Horror Movie")
YOU MAY BE AN OTAKU IF: You refer to the Direct to Video feature-length cartoons as OVS's.
... That is, Antag would have taken 20 points of damage, and would have been trapped by the fire spin, if he hadn't dodged with the speed his opponents never expect from a slug, taking only 25% damage.
For his third shot, Hamegg pulls out what anyone who'd ever seen one would recognize as a Master Ball.
A Haunter was drawn to the group of monsters & humans, hoping to do some "jokes" for them. But as it got closer, it saw something odd. Phantom "tracks" leading away from the body of the Lab Bunny. "Haunt?" it says to itself. Then it grins. "Hau, hau, hau..." & starts following them. For awhile they just go from place to place, with no rhyme or reason to them. Then, at the spot where the Bunnygirl got blasted by the Pirate captain, they stop for a moment. Why the "tracks" stopped here, the Haunter is not sure, but he finds they start again going straight up, into the sky!
Under Heffalump's cold shower, the Giant Gardiner revives and sits up woozily. He gasps at the sight of the body of the lab rabbit.
"What have I done?" he moans, barely noticing any other reactions to his recovery. "I've killed the wabbit..." An unseen orchestra strikes up the Tannhauser overture...
The Millers' tender moment together was soon interrupted by the revival of the Giant Gardiner. As the colossal cartoon character arose, the Human and his wife started to back away slowly. They were about to make a run for it when the towering toon bemoaned Blaze's fate and began to recreate a scene from What's Opera Doc?
"Oh for..." groaned Gary, slapping his forehead, as Tana clapped her hand over her mouth and doubled-over with barely-suppressed laughter.
As the Giant Gardiner continues to sob with remorse, he begins to shrink...
The Heffalump begins to hop around on one foot, inadvertently emitting more confusion attacks.
Higeoyagi is mercurial, but not evil. He would certainly be ashamed of his outburst if he knew what the Evee had said (though he'd likely still resent not being cut a little slack over the language barrier.) As it is, his anger is fading. As a recurring Tezuka character, he's seen more than his share of untimely death, in all its sordidness and lack of dignity; but he's never become inured to it.
Suddenly, a realization flashes into his mind. He pulls a battered fedora out of nowhere and puts it on, switching to Detective Ban mode. There's nothing he can do to or for the lab rabbit now; but there is one injustice he can still avert.
"Hare, what the heck happen?" Tiger growls.
"I don't know. I don't know!" They and Holly and Genki look at the pink shapeless blob
"Look over there!" Golem shouts, pointing at the still form of a rabbit under the Chansey's care. "It's not moving, chi."
Mocchi looks up at Genki. "Bunny will get better, won't chi?"
"I'm not sure, Mocchi. I'm really not sure...."
The Jolteon doesn't feel like fighting anymore. Jagged ears drooping, he can only watch helplessly as his little sister voluntarily changes herself for all time. Tears like tiny sparks start to float from his eyes.
The newly-evolved Lunareon approaches the Lab Rabbit and places her front paws on the still body, now grown cold. Her double-tipped tail begins to wave back and forth like a metronome ... but no, *Metronome* is not the ability she's going to use, it being too risky. No, she has to be sure, has to use a power that no Eevee could ever have, but a Lunareon could...
Lunareon uses *Morning Light!*
A ray of purest white shoots out from the moonstone on the former Eevee's head, but instead of striking the Lab Rabbit, it goes straight up into the sky. The clouds above glow for a minute, and then the light is reflected back down, this time directly onto the rabbit's body. All other light is mysteriously dimmed as the ethereal beam illuminates the tiny form . . . .
There is just one catch to the Morning Light ability. It can be used only once, for it totally drains the user. The Lunareon sighs and collapses at the exact moment that the Lab Rabbit opens its eyes and sits up.
The Chancey jumps for joy at the revival of the Lab Rabbit, and then notices the Lunareon. With a startling cry, it pulls out the intensive care unit again, sticks the Lunareon in it, and starts to work on making it better. The Chancey also starts to spray something on it out of a weird container. (For anybody who's watched Pokémon, it's a super potion.)
More stuff that didn't come to pass (Psychic predictions)
New York quarantined by pollution cloud.
Los Angeles becomes an island due to earthquake.
Super Bowl canceled due to drugs.
Cure for cancer.
Discovery by cosmonauts of abandoned alien space station with corpses.
First successful brain transplant.
And of course the start of a new ice age due to the alignment of planets on 5/5/2000. (Such alignments are also supposed to mark the change of the Mandate of Heaven in China.)
RASBELLIES\ `Raz-`bel-ees (U.S. Slang) 1: A tickling sensation on the abdomens' surface caused by a significant others' fluttering lips. 2: That innocent pleasure some people never outgrow. 3: Something to pass the time away when the only thing on TV are talk shows featuring everyday people with strange, scandalous, little secrets.
Harry Potter wasn't the first kid in a children's book to attend a witch's school. Mary Stewart's The Little Broomstick (circa 1972) featured a 10 year-old girl named Mary Smith, who accidentally gets enrolled at Endor College, a school of witchcraft for young sorcerers and sorceresses. At one time, Disney was considering making an animated feature based on this book. Now they're probably more interested in doing Harry Potter.
- There was also a TV-movie called "The Worst Witch" about a student at a Witch's college, though I don't know if it was from a book. Ye Ed -
ON GENETIC ENGINEERING IN GENERAL - In my opinion, for what it's worth, I think genetic engineering will become an everyday sort of thing, like vaccinations have today, and most of the engineering will be invisible, such as a stepped up immune system or some such. Possibly we will engineer ourselves to live longer, or exist in environments that would kill a normal human. For instance, it may be easier to engineer humans to live on the surface of Mars than it is to terraform the planet. No doubt we will create new species-some of them sentient. I fail to see all the fuss over genetically altered food crops. They need no pesticides, and grow in poor soil. Traditional plants need insecticides and fertilizers, both of which contaminate ground water. It may become necessary in the future to have food crops that will grow in marginal areas. Don't give up on this technology. The positive side far outweighs the negative. Stepping down from soapbox now. Scott
"Fahrvergnugen" said one Fool. "Conejo" said Another.
Picture: Talk Kentucky With Dana and the Other Dana. Dana McMillan kneeling with a bag of potting soil. "I put pottin' soil on this dead spot in th' yard, an' I'm gonna plant some flares here."
Dana Cohen standing behind her "What kinda flares?"
Flares: Colorful blossoming decorative plants. By Scott Thomas
BEHIND THE SCENES
"Offstage:, the personnel of the Mirefa fleet - assorted morphs - suit up in bright red uniforms in preparation for their cameo in the Bong subplot.
"Aren't these a little - gaudy, sir?" asks a young cat-morph."
"Nonsense," says the veteran raven-morph. "It's the traditional color for walk-ons in S-F action-adventures!"
Phil the Cat gazed in quiet rapture at Crystal, awed by her passion and ashamed by his own reluctance.
"I'm City born, but I love the Country life," he sang softly, quoting from a musician whose name eluded him.
And when she concluded her speech, Phil returned her smile and said "My love, if kittens be your wish, then who am I to oppose it? I am gladly at your service, my Queen, and I would enjoy serving you in the hot tub."
PHIL THE CAT: Honey? When you got this tent, you did get it with a sprinkler system, didn't you? - Crystal
Yes, the Boo Birds were still laughing when they were set upon by the "winged Pac-Men." And they continued to laugh as they allowed themselves to be devoured by them. Then it was the "Pac-Men" that were laughing in the same squeaky voices as the spectral birdies, for now they were possessed by them! The toothy, mouthy creatures turn and fly back to Crystal and Phil, aiming straight for their most tender, sensitive and oh-so-unprotected areas. They seem totally unconcerned about the fire.
PHIL THE CAT: Thanks for these fun new bodies, pal! By the way, do you think there's too much violence in fan fiction? Boo Bird #4, just prior to biting down on Phil's cute little kitty nose. *CHONK!*
Scant seconds after the fire had started in the Acme Privacy Tent, an alarm bell started ringing, and several skinny robots wearing red fire helmets and bearing water buckets rushed out from behind a sliding wall panel. They quickly found the fire, doused it with their buckets, and rushed back to the panel, which closed behind them.
Picture: Bleary eyed, pointed eared entity with glasses holding a large mug labeled "Big Swill: Stop 'N Rob", and thinking "Bein' at work at 4:30 Ay-Emm requireds at least a quart o' coffee... Full power coffee, no sugar, no creme.. just coffee." Coffee Is A Marginal Substitute For Sleep. By Scott Thomas
"Come ta poppa!" said Jazz Jackrabbit as he approached the cluster of goodies. He fired at the ammo orbs, bringing his supply of fireballs to an acceptable level, and grabbed the golden carrot and the extra-life icon, leaping to avoid the odd patch of ice.
"Time ta melt some snow!" declared the hare, spinning around to face the snowmen.
A wall of ice looms up before Jazz, completely blocking his progress. A lot of the orbs were frostbiter ammo, of minimal use on this level. And an army of snow goons is rushing up from behind.
Oh, and there's another icon nearby - a TV screen showing a pair of arrows forming a circle.
The Growlithe tumbles from the other side of the plothole, landing just on the edge of the fountain. "GrowlYIPE!" he exclaims upon noticing the deadly (to him) water so close at paw. Scrambling for a moment, the fire-puppy Pokémon manages to leap away, orange and black fur bristling.
James looks up and says "Growlie?" just as the Growlithe lands on him, knocking him back into the fountain.
Picture: Dana Cohen Speaks. "I'm not prudish. Just modest." By Scott Thomas
When it appears that you have killed the monster, *never* check to see if it's really dead.
THE FAUNS: Children, the "monsters" are only enlarged germs; no trouble at all if you follow my lead. Thianc
YOU MAY BE A PINHEAD IF: You watch the news on TV to catch the ventriloquist behind George Will.
Don't drown the man who taught you to swim - Thoughts
Alleged Insurance Claim Extract:
This Norwich Union customer collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were:
Q - What warning was given by you?
A - Horn
Q - What warning was given by the other party?
A - Moo
THE SCORE CARD | |
---|---|
As of This Issue..... | |
In the Pokébattle | Acetylene Lamp Blaze (the Lab Rabbit) Gary & Tana Miller The Giant Elmer Fudd Hamegg Hell's Hares Higeoyaji Jo, Vicky & Micky Lisaine, Virain & H'rril Lots of Pokémon The Monster Ranchers Team Rocket |
Outside Westport Organics | Droopy Dog Mary Sue Myerbeer The Cloaked Figure The Pirates The Superheroes (Riposte, Power Bull etc.) |
THE ELECTRONIC INTERCEPTED is published on a monthly schedule (save for January, which is skipped, with February being double sized and available from Stormgate Aerie BBS, 1-310-822-6729, as is THE CAST LIST, which includes bios of characters in INTERCEPTED and a list of characters currently in play, updated on an issue by issue basis. INTERCEPTED is also available by mailing list - send me your eddress and I'll add you to it. There is also the HTML version (also text-only I'm afraid) available off my website at http://pw2.netcom.com/~nshapero/icindex.htm. The original INTERCEPTED (hard copy version comprised of ads, inclusions and artwork) is available from 12536 Short Ave., Los Angeles, CA 90066 for $1.75 plus postage (usually 2-3 oz worth; for a total of $2.30/$2.53 in the US, higher elsewhere.) Hard copy of THE CAST LIST is also available, for $1.00 plus postage a copy. Note - the Cast List does NOT contain any artwork - the only difference between the hard copy and downloadable version is that the former is formatted into three columns.
Ads & things can also be sent to me via the Internet at kay.shapero@salata.com.
Back issues of both The Electronic Intercepted, and Intercepted are available; write me for details.
Contributions to this thing consist of ads, artwork and inclusions, as follows:
ADS: Each member is allowed up to 90 lines of text (called "ads" for historical reasons - this thing started out in a Personals column), divided up however you please.
One Line = 55 characters or less, including spaces. (note - this reflects the width of columns in the printed version - I'm formatting the electronic version to 65 because it's single column)
Ads are $.02 per line. (Note - ad cost is included in the purchase price for the hard copy Intercepted.) Ads (or bios for The Cast List) may be mailed to me, or sent via StormGate Aerie in the message area for same.
ARTWORK: Artists may receive free or reduced cost hard copy versions. See the hard copy Intercepted for details.
INCLUSIONS: These are pretty much anything that is neither artwork or ads, and cost $3.00 per side if I have to copy them and will not show up in the electronic version unless supplied as ascii text. See the hard copy Intercepted for details.
The editor reserves the right to edit or refuse ads (but rarely does as long as they don't get too gross or ose.)
ADS NEXTISH DUE: July 1, 2000
PUBLICATION DATE NEXTISH: July 8, 2000
EDITOR: Kay Shapero
SYSOP: Nicolai Shapero
Make Life Interesting!
Back Cover: Dana Cohen's School Rules. Rules aren't meant to be broken, but it's okay to torque them every so often. - Junior High, April 1974 -
Picture shows Dana Cohen sitting on top of a basketball backboard which is labeled "Jessamine Colts" (decorated with graffiti, like "SPAZ 74" or "Suck" written right after "Colts") Dana is wearing a Jessamine County Junior High t-shirt, gym pants and sneakers. She is saying "But you said I couldn't leave 'til I got one ball through the hoop... An' this is th' only way I could..."
Down below someone (presumably the coach) is yelling "Giddown, Coihen!"
Of all the by-the-rote classes, gym is the worst. No room at all for innovation. By Scott Thomas